Thursday, April 17, 2008

Applying for Membership

a girl and a boy are pregnant! Leah has wanted a baby for ever. She writes about the Mom-Club with awe and jealousy in a way that makes even me a little jealous of all those babymamas and babydadas. She is holding a contest for non-moms so that we can be honorary members of the very exclusive Mom-Club. I entered because of FREE STUFF - who says no to FREE STUFF.

The reality is that I don't have any feelings on the Mom-Club (club is one of the those words where the more you write it the less it looks like a real word). I don't long to be a mother. I certainly don't want to be pregnant. (I feel obliged to add an "yet" to this. I am 22 - who knows how my life will change, of the babies that I'll adopt, or the sudden feeling I may some day to feel to put my uterus to use).
It's the couple I want. I envy the happy people in happy couples that decide to have babies. I want the glowing lovey-doveyness that grows out of knowing someone so well. I've written about the man of my dreams before, here. I long for the capacity to share my life so completely with someone else.

The more I think about it, the more I realize I read the Mom-Club blogs: here, here, here, and here because of all the things in this world that I want, the number one thing is to be part of the Love-Club. I know I have to be patient. It won't happen over night, particularly when one is shy and has a hard time meeting new people (and remembering their names! Awkward). The problem is if you define your life's happiness by the quality of your relationships - it is hard to ignore the empty space left by the one relationship that you long for.

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