Tuesday, May 20, 2008

And Then I Blacked Out.

I didn't really black out. No one get excited.

It's possible I asked a boy out on a date. Or maybe he asked me? Or perhaps it was some kind of mutual asking. The truth is I remember how the conversation started and I remember exchanging phone numbers. But the part in the middle where the decision was made to go see Indiana Jones over the weekend is a bit fuzzy.

Perhaps due to the warmth in his eyes?

Whenever I interact with the fellas (which clearly isn't all that often, since I refer to them as "fellas"), I always feel like they totally know what they are doing and I haven't been sent the memo. They are cool, calm, collected. I am flailing, freaking out, and frayed around the edges.

How do I know this is a date? It is totally possible that he is all, "yay! made new friend" while I am naming our hypothetical adopted children (Avery and Charlie - perhaps regardless of sex). And that sounds cliche, and it is.

This is my first date since...2006, if it is a date. WHY AREN'T THERE RULES.

It's so unfortunate that the only person who knows is this guy. I can ask all my friends what they think, and we can obsess over it (which we will, because uh, its my first date since 2006) for ever but Mr. Dude is the only one with the answer.

I read in a book (or movie? or magazine?) that the girl felt like she was in a play where the guy knew all the lines and she was thrown in without knowing any stage direction, lines, plot, ANYTHING. It's such an accurate description.

Is it just that boys don't talk about how nervous and confused they are; and subsequently are better at hiding it? Does anyone have the answers?

This is the kind of stuff I feel like I should have learned in high school or at MHC, you know how to be social with The Men. Instead, I have 512 unanswered questions about what I should wear, what this means, and what i want to mean, and what he wants to mean, and why when my building has 2 elevators they have to fix both at once so that I will have to walk up 20 flights of stairs to get to my apartment if I want to go back before 5, and whether I should trust the fruit in Fiji, and what shoes should I wear on this date, and should I take another dance class, and dear lord are we already playing games, can you ever not play games, no seriously what should I wear?

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