Monday, December 15, 2008

90.5% Pure Lunacy

I was over at Burn's blog discussing the unfavorable outcomes of novels turned into books and he mentioned Avitable's site which in turn mentioned a purity test. I am sure you're all curious, I am 90.5% pure. In other words, I take to heart the repeated line of Arrested Development..."no touching."

It has been rainy in Melbourne since Friday which is fantastic because if you hadn't heard we are in one serious draught here. Rainy days make me unbelieveably happy there is puddle jumping to be done, cuddling under blankets with hot chocolate, and watching movies or reading books. For the most part, I am an independent woman: movies alone - done; walks in the park alone - done; coffee shops alone - done; and so on. But nothing screams loner like puddle jumping by yourself, trust me, I know.

The thing is I long to be in a relationship. I know what you're thinking, didn't you just get out of one? yes and no. I never called Not Daniel my boyfriend. We dated for six months. I knew from the beginning that I was pretty sure we would never be serious. Not to say that I wasn't open to the possibility. It just never seemed right. I don't know if he still reads this, and if he asks me to remove this section I will; but do you know what happened the first time we kissed? He was waiting with me by the tram stop. It was after we'd gone to see Shine a Light at the imax and I was high off of Mick Jagger dance moves. He pulled me to him so our bodies were pressed together, and kissed me. When our lips disconnected moments later, our eyes locked, and I suddenly got so flustered and concerned by the look on his face and our public displays of affection that I said (OUTLOUD) "Well, um, that was awkward." The guilt I felt is impossible to describe (although I now find it purely hilarious...seriously, could I be more awkward?). After such an outburst, where I should have been feeling sparks and electricity, I was feeling uncomfortable. It is not his fault nor mine, some people just don't have The Magic.

I want to be a year into the relationship - I want to skip the awkward getting to know you shenanigans and relish in the mornings of drinking hot chocolate together and busting a move in grocery stores.

So I did what any 21st century chick would do: googled how to meet single men (duh!). The answers were, surprisingly, unhelpful. Go to bookstores (check), take a dance class (check), go to coffee shops (check)...Deep down I know it will happen when it happens, but that doesn't make it any less easy to know that summer is nearly here and I don't have a boy to play frisbee on the beach with or lay by the Yarra with to watch the crew teams.


  1. There's a good and a bad side to all that. I mean, on the one hand, you've got the butterflies in the stomach when he kisses you.

    But 6 years later, when he hasn't answered his phone after 23 missed calls and he took YOUR car to go drinking with his game buddies SIX hours earlier and you come home to the rabbits chewing through the newspaper lining of their cage and the dishes stacked precariously high covered in solidified grease... *sigh

    Not that I would know anything about that. I would LOVE to go puddle jumping with you. Hugs, dear. Your Teddybear is out there, waiting to make you swoon and pick up after him. :)

  2. Aww, I am sorry about the dishes, and the 23 missed calls. That totally sucks.

    Aww, let us puddle jump, if only virtually! ;)


  3. Perhaps if you go ahead and puddle jump solo it will be the mating dance that will your perfect match. You never know. ;)

  4. Here's what you need. Jake has agreed to not only choose the next boy I date, but to date them for me for unspecified amount of time until they are properly acquainted. And then Jake tags out and i tag in and enter a nice, comfortable relationship with a boy, the groundwork having already been done. Brilliant.

  5. RUAWAKE - what an interesting theory, next time it rains I will certainly do that.

    Jessie - why don't you just choose the next boy I date...I trust your judgement, plus we're the same person, plus you know tallish, leanish, dorkish, dark hairish, blah blah blah...

  6. Oh dear. I'm afraid I'm no help here. I've been married for nearly 20 years...

    As I reread your post, I can't help but wonder if we need to "de-purify" you just a tad - not "de-flower", but throw a little sauce on you. I bet Burn knows what to do...

    You're adorable and your relationship is right around the corner. Shimmy down the streets while you're puddle jumping!

  7. Haha - Aww, thanks Chris...I certainly hope so. I shall shimmy and puddle jump.

  8. A thing or two about lowering one's level of purity?

    Does a gay squirrel have anonymous sex away from the forest?

    *snap snap snap

  9. Yeah, I have a strange feeling homeboy will ask you to remove the post. :) As for the other stuff, I totally feel you. When I was between boyfriends I used to say the same thing. Why can't I just skip the weird, getting to know you part and just jump right in? That way they can already know how crazy I am, ya know.

  10. X - I think homes stopped reading, so I am not too worried :)
    Seriously, doling out the crazy a wee bit at a time is exhausting!

  11. I wish I had dating/meeting advice for you. I met my (now-) husband online of all places.

    However, we got past a lot of those "awkward getting to know you shenanigans" pretty easily. Other than the awkward "how do I talk to you without a keyboard" moments, we were good to go.

    I have no idea who you are, but I'm sure you're destined for something great. Don't rush it. It will be worth the wait.