Monday, February 16, 2009

Totally Stressin'

Most blogs I read, the writer takes a moment, anecdote, or funny idea and turns into some kind of coherent story line. I've never been able to do that. Jess and I frequently talk about our sitcom (title to be found at a later date) which pretty much is a mish mash of vaudevillian ideas that we'd throw together and edit to be 22 minutes. One of our favourites is getting worked up over nothing. I mean getting truly over the top crazy about something that means zilch. We also enjoy repeating the same joke until it circles around being not funny to being freakin' hilarious all over again. who doesn't? It's possible our comedy isn't for everyone.

Here's my problem I have a week and a half to find a new place to live and while on the inside I'm over the top crazy on the outside all I keep saying is "I am freaking out." As if that describes the fact that I won't have a home. The place I really wanted with the pretty back yard and lovely furnished bedroom, they didn't want me. And maybe that's what hurts most of all is continually selling myself to people who keep rejecting me. Let me tell you its exhausting. It's like college rejection letters all over again (I'm looking at you Bowdoin). I am so scared, so alone, and feel so ill equipt to deal with this kind of situation.

After 2 months of job searching with no luck, no job, and no future, I haven't gone into February totally looking forward to try to sell myself to prospective flatmates. When is it there turn to apply to me?

I don't make good first impressions I am shy and awkward and it takes me a long time to be able to open myself up so people can see how fabulous I am. I actually failed the entry exam into kindergarten when I was five because although I could read they thought I wasn't ready emotionally and socially for school (I went to an alternative school - suck on that). I've gotten so much better in the past 4 years, Australia is like the anti-shyness medication of my dreams.

But doesn't help the fact that I need to make choices that will directly relate to where I sleep I night and I need to find someone who will take me. I am totally freaking out right.

3 comments:

  1. I'd be freaking out too. It's okay.

    Your blog is a total personality blog. It's a little slice of you and it's very enjoyable to read. Whatever you're doing, works.

    No job, no house, no man... what are we gonna do with you, Kitten? Focus. See the outcome you desire. Poof! Here it comes!

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  2. Thanks Chris.

    Visualise. Focus. *SOBS*

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  3. i love you! i'd take you! i'd pick you! (minor detail i live in chicago. but if i were there you would be mine!)

    i understand. freaking out is part of the process. i have to find a new place too. let me tell you i am not excited. but i can't imagine how anyone could not *love* you! *hugs* it'll all work out. you'll see.

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