Thursday, August 20, 2009

Yes, but how do I know you're there?

So, I've dived back into the dating site with a vengeance. And there has been a guy (Persistent Guy [PG]), who every time I talked to him he asked me out a date. Which was a nice change from a certain slurpee connoisseur that we all know and adore. Anyway, so I agreed to go on a date with PG 730 at The Designated Spot on Tuesday night.

I get there at 715, because I am perpetually early, and I wait.

735...I wait. I see a pirate dressed as a colonel. Followed by Einstein.

745...I wait. An old man starts shouting "THOSE WERE THE KEATING YEARS. THE LYING KEATING YEARS" and then walks off.

750...I wait. I know what you're thinking, why didn't you call him? I HATE THE PHONE, PEOPLE.

8...I finally text him, "Um, PG? you close by?"

805...He calls me. "Who is this" he says.
Me: YOU CALLED ME. But it's D.
Him: Can you prove that?
Me: Um, no, but it's me.
Him: Where are you?
Me: At the Designated Spot, where are you?
Him: Can you give the phone to some one there to prove that you're there?
Me: Um, no.
Him: Well, how do I know you're there.
Me (getting distressed and creeped out): WHY WOULD I LIE?
Him: Seriously, can't you just talk to someone who works at The Designated Spot give them the phone and prove it. Because it doesn't SOUND like you're at The Designated Spot.
Me: You know what? Goodbye.

I hung up and walked to the tram stop. He calls again. And I answer, because....???

Me: WHAT?
Him: Look, I just need to make sure you're not my stalker...
Me: is she American? Because this is the only accent I got.
Him: No...
Me: Than it isn't me!
Him: Where are you now?
Me: I am about to get on the tram to go home...
Him: It doesn't sound like you're at the tram stop.
Me: You're really freaking me out, and I am going home. Goodbye.

He calls me 10 more times and leaves two messages and I ignore each one. I finally check my voice mail and he has put my name down for the wrong number in his phone and so when he called that person they were clearly nonplussed by his questioning about this so called date. A semi-honest mistake.

He calls again (living up to his name...), I answer. Why? You ask. WHY? Well, to be honest, I thought I was going to tell him off. I thought I was going to say, "YOU BLEW IT DUFUS."

So he starts apologising. He starts grovelling. He is so sorry. He says "I acted like a dickhead" and I, uncharacteristically say, "you WERE a dickhead." He says, "babe [and I vomit in my mouth], I am so sorry. Don't go home come out with me. Please, let me make this up to you. Please. Please? I owe you dinner. I am so sorry." I say, "Don't you see it as a problem that you haven't even met me yet and don't trust me?"

This is why you don't date people from the internet, internets.

17 comments:

  1. Ewwww! Back away... Don't let him sweet talk you!

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  2. woah woah WOAH. Who brings out the stalker card before the first date?

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  3. Listen to DiaryofWhy and Bridget. Creepy.

    I worked for Keating. I lived the lying Keating years. True.

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  4. Diary of Why - I know right, I feel bad though. Like I owe him coffee...It's just the Australian accent woos me.

    Bridget - RIGHT? RIGHT? Gawd.

    Chris - Totally, creepy? Keating? The Australian Prime Minister?

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  5. LMAO! Why is it that dating is so unbelievably ridiculous? Excellent Blog fodder though, I have to admit :)

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  6. OMG. Cancel your account to whatever and leave it to random drunken encounters in bars. At least they would trust that you were THERE! :P

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  7. Erin - I know, I debated whether to write about this or not...But how could I resist?

    Ev. Rev. - haha, so true. this weekend is the weekend for you letter! :)

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  8. Wow, that's seriously strange and I'm a little bit jealous because I am a veteran internet dater (or was) and most of the guys I met were nice and normal and genuine and I have nowhere near as many amusing stories because of it. Damn them!!!!

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  9. Back away and run as hard as you can!!!!!!!!!

    That was the most weird phone conversation ever. He has a stalker?!

    And you don't owe him anything.
    Not even coffee. There are more (sane) men with Australian accents.

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  10. Frisky Librarian - this is the only truly odd experience I've had in the meet up stages.

    DDG - haha I know. He does have a stalker, apparently she's broken into is house and stolen some stuff from him.

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  11. WOW! So he wanted you to put someone from the restaurant or whatever on the phone? PSYCHO! Unfortunately, I think there is a little bit of PG in Chilean men.

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  12. OMG, I thought he was someone you'd already met in person! how can someone who has a stalker turn into one? Good luck out there, it's a zany world! And good job on not handing your phone to a stranger.

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  13. Sorry to admit this but I would have answered the phone purely on curiosity. Wondering what the heck was going on wouldn't work for me. But of course as soon as I found out I would have avoided him like the plague. There's no way that I'd want to inherit a stalker.

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  14. Sara - I know. Definitely a bit of a crazy. he asked me to put someone on the phone at the tram stop too (ok, so the post is the abridged version) asked why when i said no...he didn't seem to think "STRANGER DANGER" was a good enough reason.

    Eileen - Seriously, there should be rules about that!

    Fay - curiosity definitely was definitely one of the reasons I picked up the phone.

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  15. I think the calling 10 times would have been enough for me.

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  16. Oh my heavens.

    His name is fitting, but there's no way he's the one for you (now I hope I won't be eating these words in the future).

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  17. one of the best dating stories I have read in a while.

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