Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Environmental Wednesday is on vacation...Instead, I bring you: He Said What?

Despite all the whining and the complaining about how tired I am of dating I am nothing if not stubborn and persistent. I haven't met anyone new recently or been on dates at all. However, I have briefly made a few new contacts.

Last night I got a chance to talk to someone that I was really excited about. He was 27. Jewish. hi's picture was of him (cute!) cuddling with a golden retriever (cuter!). He spoke in complete sentences. He seemed like a normal human being. He. Was. Not.

"You'd look nice with straight hair, I think" he said.

On second thought, I am not sure why I was surprised that's just such a Jewish compliment. Anyway, I could've got past that. I am a forgiving "people mean the best" kind of person. Until he asked me to watch him on a webcam "do stuff." And that's when I blocked him, of course I said goodbye first, because I am a lady.

The few nights before, I was mostly watching tv, when this happened:

A New Guy (ANG): Hi, how are you?

Me: Good thanks, you?

ANG: Horrible. My cat just died.

Me: I am so sorry! That's terrible.

ANG: Well, I had her for fifteen years, we weren't that attached. this his way of coping...

Me: Aww, that's a good long life. My cat is going to turn 21 soon.

ANG: I hate cats.

Me: oh.

ANG: They make me feel funny in my pants.

ANG: Don't they make you feel that way?

Me: No.

ANG: How about dogs.

Me: Animals in general don't affect my pants.

Me: Goodbye.

And thus he, too, is blocked.

This is what is out there. My options are a guy who likes to jerk off in front of randoms and do "whatever you want me to do. You don't do anything" or a guy whose pants are affected by cats.


  1. Sweet Jesus. Why are men so damn skeevy? Or else emotionally incompetent. Lets get married and have kittens and cute ballet flats and forget about our angst.

  2. LOL...I must say I definetly agree with ER...most men are skeevy-disgusting or distasteful; nasty, sleazy. And yes they are for the most part emotionally incompetent. Sad but true. But don't lose hope there are a still a few good men out there...just make sure you get one...don't settle for less.JMHO

  3. I know you don't write these new-contact-posts so I can wet my pants but gawd it's hard to control your bladder when you read stuff like this.

    But seriously, what's up with these men/children?
    Crack is wack, that's all I'm saying.

    Dutch Donut Girl
    The comment section is doing funny things :(

  4. You are just the funniest person. Although, ahem, of course it's not at all funny and yes, all men are sleazes. This singledom business is a pain. I do remember it well. In fact, at one stage, when I was in my early twenties and hadn't been attached for quite some time, my mother asked me in that sighing voice she has, why I was single. I told her there were no decent men around and she told me that was rubbish. That I was to stop being so picky and just look on the bus the next day! See. It's that easy. So as I am now my mother I say to you - just look on the bus, girl.....nd tell me what happens tomorrow !!

  5. Ev Rev - That sounds lovely! a transcontinental marriage with cats. perfect!

    Anon - I just don't want to believe that! I think there are a few skeasy lads, but for the most part their normal human beings...ah, denial.

    DDG - I apologise on behalf of the comment section. How dare it! Hah! Yeah, for amusement :)

    Selina - I'll keep my eyes open on the tram tomorrow, I promise!

  6. Oh bwaaaaaa haaaaaa haaaaaa!

    Sorry babe, but that is hilarious. Gotta weed out the freaks, added bonus is the entertainment.

  7. OMG. Where do you find these boys? My single friends who are 20 years older than you, are having similar problems.

    I like your hair curly.

  8. Kelley - This is why I share :)

    Chris - They find me! And thank you - I like my hair too!

  9. OMG, that is horrendous! How can it be that sane and attractive women are subjected to psycho sexual harassment from these guys? I've been wanting to write about online dating for a while, but I've never done it, and when I hear stories like this, I don't want to recommend it!

  10. I need to seriously get on whatever dating service you're on. I don't have enough crazies in my life. The Teddy won't mind, he'll just watch his car shows, stuff his hand down his crotch and be done with it. Yes, we. are. that. classy.

    And also (TMI ALERT) warn me the next time you post something this HILARIOUS because ZOMFG I nearly broke the laptop while attempting to read and do my *ehem* business.

    Again, I. Are. Classy.

  11. Only weasels make my pants crinkle...

  12. Susan - It's not all bad! I mean these two were horrible...but there are nice boys out there - even on the internets!

    Demigod - apologies! I'll have a laugh-o-meter installed just for you :) - Also get more crazies in your life ASAP, they make the world go 'round.

    Organic Meatbag - That was well played.