Saturday, September 12, 2009

"Instead of being sad, I just decide to be awesome instead. True Story" Thanks, Barney Stinson.

I stood waiting outside of the bar (due to the fear of being in the bar alone...), I was wearing the dress that can only described as being a dress a five year old would wear crossed with Carrie's outfit in the opening credits of Sex and The City (the tv show, clearly) - and if that doesn't make it perfectly clear to you what it looks like, I just can't help you.

A man walked by, a man that could've been Zee Arteest except I was pretty sure Zee Arteest had a buzz cut - and this man had a long blonde pony tail. He was staring at me intently though as I chatted to Jess on the phone. As if, he was just waiting for the moment to talk to me.

My internal monologue kicking in with a vengeance "It's too late to bail isn't? Could I try out the Lemon Law? I just want to go home. On the bright side, I think I only flashed 4 people on my walk to the bar, it could've been so much more. Victory!"...

The blonde haired fugly man (it's mean, but true...) wanders off and I breathe again. Zee Arteest arrived. The date wasn't great. It wasn't even good. But it wasn't awful. I don't have any super stories to tell from it (no one yelled at me over the phone or told me I looked like man, but I didn't entertain a thought of date number 2 or wonder what our toothbrushes would look like next to each others), the truth was, I was bored.

And not totally bored with him, although he was a chatty Cathy and I wasn't enthused. But partly, just disappointed. I know how easy it can be, how it was with Mr. Slurpee, and I long for the ease in conversation, the chemistry, the butterflies. For the hint of possibility.

I walked home feeling sad and dejected. Tired of liking those who don't like me in return, and annoyed with the ones that I don't like because they have the nerve to like me and I hate hurting them.

But sometimes, you have to be optimistic, otherwise what's the point of getting out of bed in the morning?

9 comments:

  1. Oh gosh, I've been there. I remember all of this all too well. I tried again and again and again. Then I took a break from the online dating, and honestly, I was so relieved. I'm going to focus on trying to meet people via non-Internet methods now. I know, who does that, right?! We'll see how it goes. :)

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  2. I'm jumping back into online dating via a free site. I'm not paying to go on painful bad dates ever again.

    I feel your pain, though. I have been thinking pretty much the same thing for a while now. Why is it that the guys I like can't like me back? However, you inspire me to continue to picking myself up and not wallow in the fact they don't. I mean obviously these guys we think are awesome are not that awesome because they've passed us up.

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  3. Awwww. You picture toothbrushes? I picture wardrobes (i.e. Teddy's. When we started dating one big plus was we wear the same size. Hello double wardrobe!)

    High five for AWESOME.

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  4. Diary of Why - Yeah, I think my expectations are too high, I met Mr. Slurpee on my first online dating site date! Keep me informed!

    Megs - I cannot imagine paying for this kind of humiliation. Let's stick together sistah!

    Burn - No, I don't really. I really picture cooking dinner together and getting dipped in the kitchen (that's not a euphemism!) - Ok same size wardrobe is totally a bonus - although I do kind of also imagine stealing oversized t-shirts that smell like him for sleeping.

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  5. I pretty much second everything DiaryofWhy said above.

    Sorry to hear it was a let down. Chin up and keep on truckn'

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  6. I'm reminded of these words..."Looking for love in all the wrong places"! If I were a betting person I'd bet your mother or father would have told you these words..."NO good ever comes out of a bar"....LOL...Put yourself in places you might find mister right. Join a hiking club, biking, horse riding, skating, swimming, surfing, book, library, singing, tennis, dancing (any king of dancing)etc etc etc Club! What ever you enjoy doing...He'll show up...Just a thought...#;-)

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  7. Frisky Librarian - Thanks for the words of encouragement.

    Anon - I didn't meet him at the bar, we just started our date at a bar.

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  8. "Tired of liking those who don't like me in return, and annoyed with the ones that I don't like because they have the nerve to like me and I hate hurting them."

    That sums it up all so well!!

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  9. dating blows. it's hard to find someone worth dating. and even then sometimes it's hard to stay with them no matter how much you love them. but optimism is forever. if you can keep that about you (and i'm sure you can), you'll be happy forever. because even if everything sucks right now, i truly believe that it's not possible for things to stay that way. and maybe i'm a completely hopeless romantic or an idealist or perhaps a bit of both. but i believe in real true love where the girl does get the prince (or princess, for those like me) and you do live happily ever after. *sigh*

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