Friday, February 19, 2010

What I would say if I didn't have an inner monologue.

Dear Shazzer,

We did not need to play phone tag all day for you tell me I didn't get the job. Let's leave that kind of excitement for if I was getting an interview shall we? No, really. Being rejected by e-mail, voice message, or simply your silence...these are fine options. No, really, they are. The calling? That just upped my excitement, my utter giddiness and made the crash of rejection that much more...acute.

Thanks for that...

D.

Dear People at my Yoga Class,

Let's learn how to clothe ourselves our properly shall we? Yes, I am talking to you girl-wears-NEON-pink-skin-tight-leggings-with-a-thong-and-a-teeny-tiny-tube-top-top. It's hard to focus when I am afraid for the safety of your nipples, not to mention blinded by your pants.

Not that I am forgetting about you, who *thinks* you wear normal leggings except when you stretch them to a certain point they become completely see through to the point where in down dog if I look up I am seeing your white non-full coverage undies.

Girl with malfunctioning pants...This is advice that I thought I'd never have to give...Warrior 2 is not the time to moon the studio...to prevent such malfunctions you know what I suggest...NOT WEARING A THONG TO YOGA. Honestly, ladies.

Last but not least, dude in the tiniest shorts-that may have been boxer briefs-in the world. I actually have no words. And not in a good "damn baby, you look HOT in those teeny shorts" kind of way...no, in a "I may never be able to do jump through's again...MY EYES, MY EYES" kind of way.

Sincerely,

D.

13 comments:

  1. Rejection phone tag. That's rough. I just get rejection emails from places I applied to over six months ago--they begin by calling me the wrong name.

    Also: "safety of your nipples" = great phrase.

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  2. men in short shorts in any situation screams foul.

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  3. Isn't there a skeleton in your closet wearing tie dyed leggings or am I mistaken?

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  4. Oh! I think Twisted Susan just called you OUT. :P

    I know I'm supposed to be all eager to get rejection phone calls so that I can ask what I did wrong and shit, but.... I actually just let it roll to voicemail. Rejection doesn't need to be sugar coated, yo.

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  5. LOL. Haha, LOVED this post! I was sitting in class and actually laughed out loud at one point.

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  6. Phone call rejections SUCK! I'm stuck in job hunt hell right now myself, and I don't like it.

    Heal your eyes and have a nice weekend!

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  7. LMAO in regards to the yoga. We have a Mr. Short Shorts too .. and a pants so tight they become see through woman .. and a thong wearer. I have no idea how they can wear a thong to yoga.
    YIPE!

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  8. Dude, can you please come down here and school the people in my park about wearing proper jogging attire while you're at it?

    I think we passed the same guy as your last one jogging the other day. Both Seba and I could BARELY keep a straight face while he ran past. And then I think he heard us laughing afterward. But oh well, anyone who wears those shorts out in public deserves it.

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  9. Tina - Ouch, the wrong name hurts. Yeah, they aren't very prompt with the rejection are they?

    linlah - This is all I'm saying.

    Susan - That's very true, but I have never worn those in public. just on the internet :)

    Ev Rev - Hah, I know owned on my own blog. I should be embarrassed - but let's be honest...tie dye rules ;)

    Dominick - Thank you! I am so glad you enjoyed it!

    DDG - I am so sorry about the job hunt, it's just so unfair so many talented people that need to be hired.

    Jessica - Yeah, I do not understand the thong to yoga thing - that has to be majorly uncomfortable.

    Kyle - I would LOVE to come to Chile and teach some lessons on appropriate running wear! Maybe you should start a photo post about that?

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  10. That sucks that they played phone tag with you and then you ended up not getting the job.

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  11. I think it sucks and it is strange they played phone tag with you.

    Honestly, sometimes you should let your inner monologue out be speaking loudly to a friend. Wardrobe malfunctions while working out need to be addressed. You did not sign up for naked yoga. I'm all for body confidence, but sometimes...

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  12. and that is why I don't do yoga. For my mental health.

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  13. Ugh! What a very unwelcome distraction that would be!

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