Tuesday, March 09, 2010

The problem and the bandaid...

In my last post, I wrote about fakin' it until I made it. But here's the problem with faking it in attempts to make it, it's exhausting. There has only been one night in the past week when I haven't shed at least a tear while falling asleep. When Inspector Climate is with me, we then spend the next few minutes planning imaginary trips and what our life will be like when I am employed in a job that I adore.

Plans include, being able to go to the States twice a year. We have to visit once in each season so Inspector climate can see my mom's garden and eat fresh vegetables. We can canoe, and swim in the near by river, we have to get ice cream (at The Watermelon and in the Town of Little) and go to Cape Cod. We'll take walks in the woods behind my house and pick wild black berries. Then we have to visit in October, so he can see the leaves turn pretty colours and enjoy the beautiful fall days with crisp Autumn nights. We'll play in the fallen leaves and drink apple cider. But then we have to go in Winter so we can sled down my drive way, go skiing at Cannon Mountain, pour warm maple syrup over freshly fallen snow. Let's not forget Spring. When the Maple trees are tapped and the sugar house exhales the delicious smell of maple syrup. When the cook is done for the day, we'll bring the pot into the house for the final cook and in my little Halloween shot glass (complete with an orange ghost) we'll take a sip of the freshly cooked Maple.

Yes, we have plans. And so far they are only the bandaid for the homesickness I've been feeling these last few weeks. I am fully aware, that I am only so homesick because I have no idea when I'll be able to go home next. Will it be in August? November? January? Once I get a job - and a routine is found and a lively hood procured, I'll be able to make real plans.


You'll notice that I've added a page to my blog which contains my Life List.

Here are some of the newer items:

36. I'd like to be able to hold my own in tennis - and by this I really mean that I'd like it when Inspector Climate and I play tennis that he doesn't have to try quite so hard to hit the ball exactly in the right spot for fear that I won't hit it at all...or will hit it over the fence and hit some kid on a bike (not that I'd know anything about that.
37. I want to get married in my mom's garden. The aisle would obviously be through my mom's sweet pea rows.
38. I'd like to get a compost and perhaps a worm farm to take care of food scraps.
39. Learn to swim (I know how to swim, but I am not at all confident).
40. Road trip up the coast of California from LA to San Francisco on Rt 1.


  1. Oh darling. I feel for you. I am glad you have IC to hold you and dream with you when things get too hard. You are doing the best you can do and that is all we can expect from ourselves.

    How much longer is your visa? I'm rooting for you lady!

  2. Oh no wonder you feel homesick as you make the US of A sound so beautiful. Especially your Mum's garden with its sweet pea rows....lovely!

  3. The road trip one sounds glorious. I'm all about road trips.

  4. Start planning as though it's going to happen, and you'll find a way.
    I understand homesickness. I've missed my Pacific Northwest for the last 5 years. I'm just playing as though I'm moving back in June; so now all our energy has gone in that direction.

  5. 36 thru 41 all great goals and I'm hoping you make them real.

  6. Ev Rev - I am currently without a visa (although legally in the country), my visa will not be processed for a year.

    Selina - It is lovely.

    Kim - Yeah, I've been trying to do that drive for a very long time. But as yet to do it!

    Jessica - That's a good idea :)

    linlah - Thank you! I hope so too!

  7. Me too! Am having my first tennis lesson in 20 years this Saturday to get back in the "swing" of it (OMG, that was an awful pun). And on a serious note, your post about your horse passing has me in tears. I believe animals impact our lives even more than humans!! Happy Memories.