Monday, April 26, 2010

I blame the pepper grinder for the recent discovery that my boyfriend can be a douchebag.

(I am sorry Inspector you!).

Last week, I went to yoga and was lying peacefully in shavasana and I started thinking about the home that I grew up in and that my parents still live in. And I started thinking about all the things I love about it. Like this peppercorn grinder my mom has that is wood covered with chipped porcelain from having been dropped a thousand times too many and then glued back together by my very handy father. I love that pepper grinder. I want that pepper grinder. I wondered if I'd have to fight my brothers for it when my parents die. Then I had a paranoid thought that my parents are getting old. And then suddenly, my mind went into the dark dark place where parents die and pepper grinders go to those who don't appreciate them. And lordy, I was crying. IN YOGA. A low point.

Whew, ok. Puppies are cute. Puppies are my happy place.

I recovered from my little tear fest, wiped my eyes, namasted and came home to watch tv on the couch before going to bed and starting a new day that didn't involve the dark place.

Fast forward to today. Today, I went grocery shopping with Inspector Climate and I was mostly buying food for this very special meal that I was planning for Wednesday night. The Very Special Meal that I've been looking forward to since like February called for corn tortillas. No dramas right? Wrong. Australia hates me. I wish there was another logical conclusion from this tale that is obviously wrought with intrigue and story telling prowess, but alas no. Nary another conclusion can be found. This nation that I call home HATES ME for there was not a single corn tortilla to be found in not one, not two, not even three, nor four, NOT FIVE grocery stores had corn tortillas. So, a normal human being would think, "make them yourself" Thank you normal human being, I would, HONESTLY I WOULD. Except...Australia wouldn't think to carry the proper corn flour to make tortillas, don't be silly.

To say I was distraught would be an understatement.

Being completely logical irrational, once Inspector Climate and I got home, I burst into tears. Oh, the crying. And you know what Inspector Climate did? Do you? DO YOU. He laughed. I am sobbing over corn tortillas and he had the nerve, THE NERVE, to laugh. To be fair, we both knew I wasn't crying over the stupid corn tortillas. The more he laughed the more snot bubbles tears puddled on my pillows. Did I call him a douchebag? I did. Did he apologise profusely? He did. He said he would order the tortilla flour so that I would never cry again, and whatever makes me cry next time, he'll fix that too.

All because of a seriously kick butt albeit beaten up pepper grinder.


  1. Damn that man for making the rest of us look bad!

  2. Good luck finding the corn flour (what I think of corn flour is totally different which we use to thicken sauces), surely there'd be speciality stores with it?

    I definitely have moments like that, where one thing starts another thing and British Boy thinks that consoling me is to leave me cry when all I want is a hug. I'm glad Inspector Climate apologised, what a nice boy!

  3. LMAO! Why don't men understand that if there are tears involved they should just rub your back and say "I understand" or "No you're not being crazy"?

  4. This is when I love the internet.

    That's a vague statement. What I mean is, I love the internet because I could order things like masa if it were not available anywhere (which is weird, by the way). Also, because I can find blog posts like this that reaffirm that I am not the only one who experiences days like this.

    I hope that when you finally get to make the tortillas that they turn out wonderfully!

  5. I can't believe they don't have corn tortillas in Australia! That is shocking to me! I am glad Inspector Climate thought of a solution and realized how upset you are. Boys are slow sometimes but he made up for it for sure!

  6. Well it is official! I can never live in Australia!

    I have some corn tortillas. Do you want me to send them to you! ;D

  7. I just read a really interesting essay by a young man who says it is important to do things, not "for" someone but "about" someone. What IC did - saying he'll get the flour? That's about you.

  8. Funny you should mention that.
    Today I was feeling right good and picked on, so I went to the store, bought Masa and black beans, and am NOW, at this VERY moment, sucking down a pile beans and tillas.
    No Margaritas though. I forgot that. But I have the salt ... only I don't ever use it.

    OH YEAH - and congrats on the flat bread! LOL - I was just looking at more flour for that and thinking of you. Weird how blogging does that.

  9. We don't have corn tortillas in the Netherlands.
    Um, so I guess you won't be visiting me in the near future?
    BUT but we do have the proper corn flour to make tortillas!!!
    And we have pepper grinders.

  10. Men. At every wedding we go to random guys hit on me and try to dance with me. And you know what Seba does? Instead of gallantly sweeping me away, he takes pictures and laughs.

    Almost as bad as laughing at your corn tortilla tears. I wonder if they'd be friends.

  11. Look for gluten free suppliers, you will find the flour and the tortillas.

    I am so surprised that you couldn't find the corn tortillas, we have them everywhere here in BumArse Nowhere.

    If they needed to be fried you could sub taco shells.

  12. Matthew - RIGHT?

    Kiwi in France - ah, yes, I should have specified "corn flour" in the US would be called Corn Starch. I am speaking more of corn meal.

    Chicken - Well, I WAS being crazy. But kissing a few tears away and rubbing my back would have been a FAR better response.

    Tina - Thank you! And I am so glad you could commiserate!

    Cammy - they DO in fact have corn tortillas, but as they are not a staple they easily go out of stock and then all the people who work at the store pretend they've never heard of them.

    Lorie - don't tempt me woman.

    Susan - Yes, he is actually wonderful. Later that night, I cried because I wasn't going to see him for 36 hours. He didn't laugh that time.

    Jessica - first you make yummy bread I can't eat and NOW you make black beans and TORTILLAS. Lord woman, you never made florida look so good.

    DDG - Well, I could certainly visit the netherlands, I am not sure about living there though - what's the status of black beans?

    Kyle - hah! Well, at least Seba is very secure in your relationship, right?

    Kelley - I have found them before, but for some reason they are out of stock every where. there is a blight on corn tortillas.

  13. I so appreciate this story :-) I think it's like a snowball effect of one thing not working, so you go to plan B and then Plan C and nothing seems to go your way, even if it's just finding tortillas. This has been happening to me lately and I have to hold back the tears because who's that crazy lady crying in her car because 1)she was forced to work late, 2) and then she missed the train by a minute, 3) she hit every stop light 4)going to the burrito place that's now closed 5) and now she's hungry and 6) damnit, another red light and I have to pee. BAWL!

    also...not to be the dirty one, but anyone else notice that the middle puppy is a tiny bit happy? Or is that just me who has had a male dog and you're always parnoid that he's going to do that.

  14. I'm glad I am not the only one who has "tortilla days." I've missed my family and have sobbed over ketchup. Eek.

  15. Bellacantare - I can totally sympathise with the accumulation of little things leads to sobbing in the corner, this episode was actually brought to you by The Pill!

    Jill - Totally not the only one. I've been CRAVING ketchup. weird.

  16. I'm late for work because I just had to read one more post and LOL - I love your blog!

  17. I'm so glad he figured out what he did wrong.

    And I say stake your claim on the pepper grinder now. A piece of masking tape on it with your name written in your mom's handwriting. Who could argue with that?

  18. Love your style...stopped by from SITS today. And anyone who can use snot bubbles, puppies, yoga and a pepper grinder in one post has to be subscribed's just that simple.

  19. It is only logical that you wouldn't find tortillas in Australia. It (the land down under) doesn't border Mexico. duh...
    Oh and, if your man should find corn flour on line, tell him to spring for the maracas too. It will save him (later) shipping charges when you realize (after indulging in fresh home made tortillas) you want those too.

  20. Don't you just love those "deep" yoga moments? I've found myself in tears multiple times over the silliest things. But I guess it's just a good release.

  21. Here in Texas we have oodles of corn tortillas! Anytime you want some drop me a line and I'll ship you out a box!
    I found you thru SITS!
    You are very funny. I am now your follower :)

  22. Who knew my corn tortillas were sooo coveted by people on the other side of the world.....

  23. Ahhhh, the joys of being an emotional woman! When my husband and I were newly engaged, I started crying in the grocery store, because I couldn't find the cool whip. Just one of those days! Thanks for sharing your blog today. It made me laugh!

  24. Your post is hilarious but the comments make it even better... Kyle! I know some guys who'd probably do that!

    Although I'm a bit late, I hope your SITS day was fabulous!