Over the weekend, I spent the evening with The Climates. We watched the St Kilda Saints lose to eh, whoever. See, Aussie Rules Football is something I've been TRYING to get into for years. And The Climates go for the Saints. I go for the Carlton Blues (who beat Geelong! No one saw it coming! Boo ya!) (if by "go for" I mean have a passing interest in how they go and don't really understand the game, which, for the record, is exactly what I mean).
Anyway, that's not the point. The point is the AUSTRALIAN that comes out during these little family get togethers always amazes me. Frankly, I am certain that it's some sort of family joke and they are just trying to get me to believe that the rest of Australia says these ridiculous things too so I'll make a fool of myself by repeating some ridiculous vernacular.
For example, if two things were very different from one another and I was going to use a simile for how to describe them, I'd say "they're like apples and oranges." Wouldn't you?
Apparently, if the The Climates are to be believed, Australians say "they're like chalk and cheese." Now to be fair, I knew that this was a simile for referring to differences (although I did think Inspector Climate said "Chook and Cheese" which is Australian for Chicken and Cheese which makes just as little sense). I mean why not? Chalk and cheese are very different. That's true! Fine it's silly and endearing, I like it.
Now if you recall, the first day that I was in Australia I read a newspaper that said "spat the dummy" and while Jess explained to me that that meant "throw a tantrum" I couldn't for the life of me understand why. Until I learned that dummy meant pacifier and then I was all "oh, I get it!"
Well, we're watching the footy and Inspector Climate says (you'll notice he is ALWAYS the one who says the ridiculous things...which leads to my conspiracy theory) "he sold the dummy." HOLD UP. People sell pacifiers at the footy? YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS. What the blimey hell is going on here? "No, no, NO," Inspector Climate says, "it means he faked to the left and went to the right. A dummy manoeuvre [Ed's note: okay Aussie dictionary...is that how we spell that? REALLY?] and the other guy bought it." Clearly. obviously.
Le sigh. Languages are hard, yo.