Wednesday, May 12, 2010

So, my boyfriend isn't ALWAYS a jerkface...just you know - that one time.

I think it's fair to say, I haven't been the most pleasant person to be around the past few months. I cry without the slightest provocation. I get grumpy easily. I am covered in a full body rash. Why yes, I am still having mental and physical reactions to the pill. And I am going to the doctor tomorrow to try and sort it out - because I can't live like this any more. In fact, I may cry about it right now.

So remember that one time Inspector Climate was a douchebag? Well, I am still not entirely over it. I mean I am. I don't think of it every time I see him any more. And, I don't cry when I think about his howling laughter. But my feelings (those ridiculous feelings that show up as tears for EVERY emotion) those are still slightly hurt.

One of my major character flaws is that I can hold a wicked grudge, and I don't want to. I don't want to get in a disagreement with him sometime and be like "WELL THAT ONE TIME YOU LAUGHED AT ME." and He'll be all "YOU WERE CRYING OVER CORN TORTILLAS WHO WOULDN'T LAUGH" and then I'd probably cry again (particularly if I am still on any type of Pill). And I've never wanted to be like that.

The truth is Inspector Climate wants nothing more for me to not be so sad any more. So much so that he'll go out of his way to fix why ever I am sad that very second (which could change the next minute or be totally inexplicable like when I was crying in front of his refrigerator door a few mornings ago while he was making lunch...).

This week a packaged arrived for me at his house containing Masa Harina - corn flour to make corn tortillas.

And so whenever those hurt feelings come up and I feel the urge wallow in my grudge holding I just have to remember he buys me things! he wants me to be happy and he'll go to great lengths, even if he thinks it's ridiculous, to just push the sadness away.

Since tonight is a night without Inspector Climate, I'll curl up with my Masa and fall asleep.

Are you a grudge holder?...Don't make me remind you of THAT ONE TIME.

12 comments:

  1. I am not a grudge holder at all. My brain just is not capable of holding on to that sort of stuff. So much in fact some of my closest friends feel like they need to hold grudges FOR ME. For my protection, for when I have forgotten and foolishly trust people who have hurt me before. Good things I have good friends or I'd be a walking target sometimes!

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  2. I hold grudges when people hold them against me. It's very 1st grade. "If you're mad at me then I'm mad at you! So Nehh!" But as soon as someone wants to be friends again I cave, even if I know I shouldn't. I can't help it, I'm a big pushover.

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  3. I wish I could hold a grudge. It would certainly let Mr. Chicken know when I am seriously mad about something. Instead he makes a joke and I laugh and he thinks that he's out of the dog house. Watch out, on the pill or not, too much snuggling with that corn might get you a corn baby!

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  4. Aw! Well first off, I am so sad to hear that the pill is making you so sad ans sick. That is not cool at all! Second, Inspector Climate sounds wonderful despite your grudge against him. He obviously understands you perfectly!

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  5. Everyday Kathy - Aw, I am glad you have good friends too!

    Ev Rev - Once I get over it, I am usually over it. but I hold on to it for far longer than necessary.

    Chicken - WHAT ARE YOU PEOPLE SAINTS! The truth is, Inspector Climate and I have never had an argument, and if we did, I wouldn't throw this in his face. I know he feels bad about.

    Cammy - Yeah, it's been an awful six months of crying and rash-y-ness. Very unpleasant. Yeah, he's actually very amazing.

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  6. I have Irish amnesia...I forget everything but a grudge. There are people from high school I'm still angry at...and this year is my 20 year reunion.
    Can't say I'm proud of that trait, but there you have it.

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  7. My astrological sign says I'm a grudge holder but I like to think of it as cautious.

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  8. Oh definitely see your doctor about the pill. I was on two. The first was fine, then they switched me and I started reacted. I was a moody Biatch all the time. I got acne. I gained like 20 pounds and I was tons of fun to be around. NOT. I asked my doctor and she made it seem like it was all in my head. It was not. Getting off the pill was the best thing I did. That was not worth whatever freedom it allowed me.

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  9. Not a grudge holder, I think in the long run it's only yourself that you really hurt by holding a grudge.

    Do hope all goes well and you get sorted.

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  10. Salty Miss Jill - Wow - that is some seriously grudge holding! I am not sure I'm quite that intense, but I am still happy to hear, that I am not the only one!

    linlah - exactly! what's your sign?

    Sara - Yikes, that sounds awful! I am glad you got off it, why didn't you go back to the original one, if I may ask?

    Petty Witter - I totally agree. And that's why I try so hard to just let go.

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  11. I don't want to be a grudge holder, but I am. I think that I'm not, because I don't think of things all the time, but if someone does something else to me, I immediately remember all the other times, too.

    Thanks for visiting me on my SITS day last Monday!

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  12. I only hold grudges when it benefits me.

    And geez woman! Get off that pill - yikes!
    I can't even imagine. OY.

    So glad you got your Masa.
    I'm still confused by the down under lack of Masa, but I guess they don't have the same immigration movements that we have here.

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