Sunday, June 06, 2010

My hate for facebook has wained, but we still can't be friends.

Last week I wrote a post about how I wasn't on facebook and you should boycott it on June 6th. And Crystal commented something like "how can you not be facebook!"

First let me tell you what I tell people when they ask me this question. I wrote about this on my blog when it happened back at the end of 2004, but of course none of you read Decoybetty (for good reason, probably) back in 2004. See, what happened is that I started dating this boy, The Metropean. The Metropean could salsa, was from Brazil, and was the first boy I'd ever dated who I hadn't gone to elementary school with. Besides the fact that he salsa danced and I think dancing is fun, we didn't have a lot in common. He studied hospitality. I studied Physics. He was part of a frat, I was part of an elite club of people who went to bed at 9:30pm and woke up at 5 to do homework. When we first started dating, it was when facebook (then called The Facebook) had just opened up so you could have friends outside of your college. And The Metropean BEGGED me to make myself a profile and get on facebook so that we could write each other messages...or something, I am not clear on why he really wanted me on there...

So, I signed up.

But The Metropean and I weren't meant to be. I was too busy studying to make too much of an effort and the effort I was making was really stressing me out. And I was annoyed that he couldn't see how much studying I was doing, and how much time I was devoting to it and wished he'd stop nagging me to be someone I wasn't (someone who partied on a wednesday night for example). So, I finally decided I was going to have to be strong and brave and break up with him. So we made tentative plans to go to the movies on Friday night, and I was going to pick him up in my car (the faithful Oliver) and break up with him. In person, thought I, was the mature and sensible thing to do.

However, when Friday came up - he hadn't confirmed our plans. So, I checked facebook to see if he had sent me a message.

He had not.

I checked his profile to see if he had answered my comment on his wall...He had not. But he had changed is relationship status from "in a relationship" to "single" and changed "hanging out with D" as one of his interests to "hanging out with Gina." Who was Gina? I never found out. Because he never talked to me again.

So that's what why I got off facebook, I tell people.

The real reason: of course by the end of the Metropean's and I 3 month relationship, I was kind of hooked on facebook and so I remained on it until the end of 2006, when I noticed that the time I spent on facebook didn't make me all that happy or more knowledgeable, or closer to people that I wanted to stay close too. In fact, it was making me sad and angry and annoyed because honestly why was THAT person befriending me from high school - we didn't talk then, why would we talk now? I ask you! So, I signed off.

It was that easy.


  1. I loathe FB for all the reasons you just mentioned.
    I still have my profile though.

  2. thanks for clearing it up :) Everyone has their reasons for loving or hating Facebook, and I haven't reached my breaking point yet. Ask me again when my first real love from back home changes his status from "in a relationship" to "married" though.

  3. I have a love-hate relationship with Facebook. Right now I'm leaning towards the hate end.

    I almost feel that once you add someone as a friend, it means you WON'T be friends. I end up just reading updates on their life. That's lovely. But it doesn't make for a friendship.

    I think pretty much the only time a Facebook relationship is okay is when you're also talking outside of you see each other, or email each other.

    Anyway, sorry for your bad experience with that guy. That's pretty awful.

  4. It really sucks that you found out he was dating someone else through Facebook. That is just immature.

  5. i have thought about breaking up with facebook... many times. and yeah sometimes it really doesn't make my life better and it can be bad. but i do still keep in touch with some people from way back that we just sortof are far apart so it's harder, you know? (that and i swear half the news i read is from posts my friend, alex, has on facebook because she's super bad at keeping in touch when you're not living in the same city). so i hear ya. and i am often tempted to do the same. but it can be a surprisingly good thing to have, if you aren't obsessive about it (which i know i can totally fall into that trap too, quite easily and often if i let myself).

  6. LOL -OMG!
    I'll get friend requests from people who had NOTHING to do with me in school, so I ignore them. Then I find out all the unpopular people are now popular Facebook people and they won't have anything to do with me .. so I've come to the realization that Facebook is nothing but the reliving of high school for those who feel they didn't get it right the first time.
    the only reason I still have an account is for family who live in weird, far off places .. like some island in the south Pacific, Utah, and on occasion, some jungle east of Peru.

    Which would explain why I only have like 8 "friends". unlike some people who have over a thousand .. YEAH, RIGHT.

  7. LOL your post made me laugh... although I was a bit saddened by the way that boy treated you. Pretty pathetic really. Anyway, I am currently a facebook liker. I use "like" in reference o their removing "Fan" pages and changing them to "Like" pages which I think was dumb. Anyway, I have friends all over the world and being connected there allows us to stay quasi in touch. If I want to know more I pick up the phone. Most people in my friend list don't warrant that kind of special attention but it is fun to exchange a few pleasantries from time to time. Now that I am almost 30 years out of Highschool there isn't any of the old drama any more... just fun to know that someone else also from little hometown is out there living life too.

  8. Yeah, Facebook sucks.
    So did that horrible ex boyfriend.
    He SO did not deserve you!

  9. FB is the best at ambiguous and then all hateful and uncertain. It's the devil.

  10. Twisted Susan - That's fair enough.

    Crystal - I aim to please. oooh, ouch.

    Dina - exactly!

    Barbara - Indeed it was. But like most immature's also kind of funny.

    Rhea - I respect it has some good points...:)

    Jessica - I used to only have like 30 friends and everyone else had hundreds. I feel ya.

    Everyday Kathy - I am so glad it made you laugh! success! Jeesh, back when I was young (;-)) you couldn't even like things on facebook or be a fan. or anything.

    Salty Miss Jill - Amen sister...amen.

    Linlah - EXACTLY. the devil!

  11. I think it is awesome that you were able to remove yourself. I too don't like FB all that much but I have a hard time quitting it. I have found that I just spend a lot less time on it now and that makes me way happier.