Thursday, August 19, 2010

On being a negative Nancy. or a Worrying, um, Wilma?

Yesterday, Life with Kaishon left a comment on my blog. When I went to check out her blog this was the newest post. Ahh, choosing joy. How simple right?

I need to start making new choices. New routines that somehow include spending time with Inspector Climate, close friends, yoga, and plenty of time looking for a new job. Because this job I have now...every day going to work is choosing to be a negative Nancy.

I worry that I don't just hate this job, but I'll hate all jobs. I worry that I'll find a new job that will be hours away from Inspector Climate. Of course, I also worry that I'll never find a new job. It took me months to find this one where looking for a job was a full time job. And now, looking for a job is a part time job. It's something I do at night or in the morning before work. And I worry that I'll get burnt out because now I am basically working two jobs I hate. And thus I spend the majority of every day doing tasks that make me fill unfulfilled and unhappy.

I worry that I can't fit all the things that are important to me into my routine.

I worry that I will never get over this jet lag and I'll be left with a fuzzy brain indefinitely.

I worry that if I keep going at this job that is all mindless tasks I'll get dumber and dumber.

I worry that I can't make the right choices and thus over and over and over again don't choose joy.

I worry that I am a compulsive worrier.

And I worry I'll never get a puppy or a kitten.

I worry I won't be able to handle being a grown up.

What worries you?

11 comments:

  1. I, like you, am a worrier. I worry about all sorts of things. But lately, I mostly worry that I will never fall in love again or find someone that loves me for me and wants to marry me.

    Hang in there my friend!

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  2. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u-rJ-6hBfSo

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  3. aww i love you.

    i worry that i will be a failure. i worry that i will never find true love. i worry that i am not doing enough with my life. i worry that i haven't given back enough to the community. i worry that i'll never be good enough (for what i'm not exactly sure).

    i realize most of them are irrational. but that doesn't mean i don't worry about them. over time though i've learned to put the worries away and to appreciate the here and now. a wise person once said to me, "fake it till you make it." and you know what, i did fake it for a long time and then one day i realized i wasn't faking anymore. and the worrying has really gone way way way down.

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  4. STOP your worrying!! I know, easier said than done... I worry that I've wasted the last 3.5 years of my life on a stupid PhD that I'll never finish when I could've been working, and living with my British Boy. Although if I hadn't done this PhD, I would've never met him.

    But, I think you need to look at the positives of things, you're living in a great country on the otherside of the world (although, NZ is better, hehe), experiencing life, travelling, exploring, and learning new things about another culture. AND you have a brilliant man at your side to help you through it all! Jobs suck sometimes and its hard to quit and find another job... but perhaps have a little faith, if its really that bad, take a leap and find something else. You'll never know unless you try.

    I worry now that I've completely gone off tangent! sorry!

    p.s. there's always time to own cute little animals!

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  5. It soothes me to know that you worry too. I keep myself up at night, completely exhausted but unable to sleep, crying through my frustration, all because I cannot stop the worrying thoughts that racket on in my brain.

    Completely inconsequential things, by the way, that either will never happen or that I'll never have to deal with but that I must find an answer to anyway.

    The other day I overheard a woman talking about her wedding. I then virtually worked myself into a panic because if I were to get married, I just don't know what colour my bridesmaid dresses would be. Uh, hello Liv? You aren't even ENGAGED yet, why bother? But, no.

    I also worry about normal stuff like where will Martin and I live, will I have to move to England, can I live with having him move here and knowing that he isn't with his family? Will I ever get a respectable job in my chosen field, will I be able to work and be a mother (again, soo far in the future), when will I be able to get this puppy I crave?

    It's exhausting, I know. I hope your worries wane, although I know how hard it is to keep them at bay :-)

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  6. A bunch of worried Wilma's (it'll catch on) you are!

    Cammy - Aw, Cammy you will! He's out there.

    Anon - That doesn't help very much ;) but thanks for trying.

    Rhea - I'm trying so hard to focus on the now...but I find such comfort in knowing that in the future, I'll change some of why I feel this way.

    Twisted Susan - Eek! Yes, Money.

    Kiwi - Well, that is a difference between your situation and mine, I do love Melbourne and I love living in Australia...You can go on a tangent any time you wish!

    MissLiv -HI! I miss your blog...I am so glad you've stopped by. I totally am the same way. In part I think the worrying about those way in the future things make it seem much more real, like it's important to worry about wedding logistics because some day, I will get married.

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  7. Yes, pretty much the same things as above. I have an ok job but I know I need to get a better one. I worry that I'll never find my true "path" in life. That I'll never have enough confidence to do another job anyway. Sometimes necessity gives us that kick in the pants to really do better. But as you've got work, it's hard to be motivated to find another post. You're comfortable even if you're not happy. Better the devil you know. Do you think they make a pill to stop worrying?

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  8. There's always something to worry about no matter what you do or how you do it.

    Take me for instance. I literally think I have the best job in the entire world.

    However, I worry that it could end at any minute. I worry we won't make enough money to live. Etc. Etc. Etc.

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  9. I, too, have been having many of these same worries about my job and how it's also affecting the rest of my life. It's good to hear I'm not alone.

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  10. Mil - I can totally understand that, and I think you totally have the experience and capabilities to get a new job! You can do it! For me, it is a necessity to get a new job, this one doesn't fulfill my visa requirements :(

    Kyle - Kyle you're such an amazing photographer, I can't imagine that you'll run out of business any time soon. But you can share you worries any time :)


    Tessa - SO not alone!

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