Thursday, November 11, 2010

From the vault: Dating

To preface this story let me just say that I am about as naive as this story makes me out to be. It's not because I don't get sexual innuendo or that I don't think it's funny. It's just I assume that people won't go there out of politeness and we can start with the "that's what she said" and dirty jokes when we've gotten to know each other better. Call me crazy, but innuendo between strangers makes me uncomfortable.

This guy and I had been exchanging lots of texts messages. And I found myself getting a bit smitten with this funny text message guy (FTMG).

One day I was at my internship sitting at my grown up desk eating my lunch and texting FTMG. He sent me a text about how something was "the worst thing" which immediately made me think of Ellen's Here and Now stand up routine for HBO.

So I was all "Well, I am not saying it's the worst thing, but pickle juice in the eye is pretty bad..."

"I am assuming by pickle juice you mean semen? Because I shot myself in the eye once...and it was pretty bad"

"Um, no, I mean the juice from pickles - in a know like on Ellen?...."

And that's when I realised, not everyone watches Ellen as obsessively as I do and to make matters worse, some people don't even think she's funny. I know, I hope you were sitting down for that because it surprised me too. However, I did learn a valuable lesson. Some guys think it's perfectly reasonable to tell a person they've met once about their masturbation habits and pickle juice does not always mean juice from pickles that are in a jar...who knew?

Needless to say, FTMG and I didn't work out.


  1. Ew. For the record, sometimes my mind does tend to "go there," but even for me pickle juice didn't mean anything other than pickle juice. Gah.

  2. Gross! I cannot believe he went there. Waaayyy TMI!

  3. Who DOESN'T think Ellen is funny? That's blasphemy. I don't actually believe it. I've never met anyone who doesn't think Ellen is funny.

  4. Diary of Why - It's totally ok to make the leap...It just wasn't ok in THAT situation.

    Cammy - I know right! gah.

    Kyle - I know. I knew right then he and I would never be able to make it. I mean, ELLEN. She's a legend.

  5. Perhaps any form of the word pickle make guys think of their d*cks, no different than when they were five.