Monday, February 07, 2011

Fearful Frances

"Please stop yelling at me," he pleaded.

"I am not yelling," she yelled..."I am sorry," she whispered.

"It's ok I know you're just frustrated."

"I am not frustrated...I'm scared."

You'd think this would be the dialogue to some sappy Young Adult book that I'd read while sitting in Borders in an afternoon. But sadly, this was the conversation that took place between Inspector Climate and I on Sunday morning. Directly afterwards I smeared tears and snot on his shirt as he held me while I sobbed. How'd he get so lucky to have me?

But that's the truth my bitches, I am scared. It doesn't get easier saying it or writing it more often. But it is the truth.

I'm scared of a lot of things all the time. The phone. The Job Interview. The Future. The Wet Gross Food in the Sink. All things I've mentioned before. And I'll probably mention them again and again because seriously food in the sink is nasty and the phone is just a terrifying contraption.

But I wasn't yelling because of food in the sink (Inspector Climate is fearless when it comes to sticking his hand into a sink filled with wet yoghurt and slimy spaghetti - a super hero one might say). No, I am scared because I am in month four of being unemployed and I still haven't found a job that my lawyer thinks will fulfil my visa requirements. And even if I had, any interviews I get are followed a few weeks later with a perfunctory phone call telling me why I am the "inferior candidate." (true story).

I am not scared that I'll never get a job (in fact, I am loving being unemployed so much, I am a little scared that I'll never find a job that'll satisfy me), but I am scared I'll never get one that allows me to stay here in Australia. I don't write about this often because I am kind of scared that the Australian government will track down this blog and then figure out who I am and then say because I've written negative things about this visa process I'm not allowed to be here. But someday, maybe soon, maybe not for six more months, my visa will be approved and I'll to have a job that is directly related to my field (environmental science and policy) to stay in the country. No pressure.

So I guess I'll just sit here and wait.

I'll apologise for when I get so scared I can't control the volume of my voice. And I'll probably continue to use Inspector Climate's t-shirts as my personal hankies.

18 comments:

  1. Visa stuff is scary so you are totally entitled to little freak out fits of tears.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Get it all out. Whenever you need to. We're here, we care and we're rootin' for you! Sending you job-finding-juju... right NOW. xo

    ReplyDelete
  3. Oh honey! I feel your pain so deeply. WE ARE ONE. Take heart, though. There will be an end.

    Or you could always just get married to Inspector Climate. :P (Just kidding. Mostly.)

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm so sorry, I hope you find a job soon. Well one that qualifies. In the meantime let it all out hun.

    ReplyDelete
  5. *hugs, hugs*
    Your fear is totally rational and understandable. Hang in there and take comfort in IC's arms.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Oh wow. I've had dear friends in that position - one of them from Australia. I really hope something comes through for you soon, I've seen how stressful it is.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Ugh boo, that sucks. I've heard so many terrible stories about people trying to get visas.
    I hope you're able to find a satisfying job that will let you stay!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Okay, firstly - food in the sink is the WORST. It makes me want to gag.
    And secondly - I know that fear of wanting to be good and not say bad things in case the government throws you out, but I think you'll be ok since they let Martin stay after I wrote about movoltov-cocktailing the immigration office when I was frustrated through our process.

    Stay strong, it will all work out I promise! Or we can go unleash some molotov fun on the immigration office ;-)

    (p.s. I didn't mean that to sound quite so terrorist)

    ReplyDelete
  9. I'm screaming and shoting a LOT lately... :D
    xxx

    http://gypsy-diaries.blogspot.com/

    P.S: I'm having an awesome designer dress giveaway... interested? ;)

    ReplyDelete
  10. Love and stuff - I am not sure I am entitled but I certainly act that way.

    Chris - Thank you!!! I need all the ju ju I can get.

    Ev Rev - Haha, You've discovered our plan B ;)

    Melissa - I am sure there will be more rants in my future ;)

    Teacher Girl - When IC read this post he emailed me and said "I love that I always come out looking like the best boyfriend ever!"

    tattytiara - it is such a mess. Thanks for stopping by.

    Cole - Thank you! I hope I do too.

    Miss Liv -HAHAH. Oh goodness. Well I'll keep you on call for any emergency Immigration plans I have :)

    Gabby - Well, depending on the dress...:)

    Krysten - the opposite of fun!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Oh gosh girl, I'm just reading this!! I am so SORRY for your frustration and am angry at these stupid countries for having these stupid laws that make it difficult for beautiful, intelligent, effervescent people like yourself to live where you want to live! ARGH SO ANNOYING! Now, I must admit that I am a dummy when it comes to Australian immigration- you have to get a job in your field in order to stay?! Wowzers.

    Anyway, I am wishing you the best of luck in your search- but then again, after seeing your comment re: you, IC, and your plan B, I'm thinking that not finding a job might not be so bad after all... ;-)

    IC DOES seem like the best boyfriend ever... or second-best- my Liebling is pretty awesome too...

    And as for leaving tears and snot all over IC's shirt, I am SO THERE right now... I've been sick the last two months (so exhausting) so Liebling has his fair share of my eye liquids and mucus on this clothing... I don't really blog about how rough a time I'm been having but, at least, like you, I have an awesomely supportive hottie to snivel/bitch to... :-)

    Keep your chin up, girl!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Dude. The job hunting, it sucks. It suuuuuuucks. Or so I have heard. *ahem* *switches to semi-anonymous sign in name*

    Anyway, I know how high my frustration level is right now, after almost a year of sending out applications--and I can't even imagine adding immigration stuff on top of that. Blergh. Hang in there! I'm confident that it will all work out somehow, for both of us. :)

    Love,
    Emily G.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Dude. The job hunting, it sucks. It suuuuuuucks. Or so I have heard. *ahem* *switches to semi-anonymous sign in name*

    Anyway, I know how high my frustration level is right now, after almost a year of sending out applications--and I can't even imagine adding immigration stuff on top of that. Blergh. Hang in there! I'm confident that it will all work out somehow, for both of us. :)

    Love,
    Emily G.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Oneika - I am so sorry you haven't been feeling well. That is so hard. yes, IC is amazing. And he gets a huge ego boost whenever he reads comments like this.

    Emily! - yes, unemployment is a ferocious drag. but it is conducive to napping, so that's a plus.

    ReplyDelete
  15. Hey, hugs to you! I know things are scary, but they will work out. I'm thinking of you!

    ReplyDelete
  16. At least you are funny when you're stressed. I've been through similar stuff in the French visa process. I didn't realize it was so tough in Australia. Best of luck. PS: yes, hate food in sink, too. This is why I now wear gloves to do the dishes! And I frankly hate to see the answering machine light blinking in case someone actually wants something from me.

    ReplyDelete
  17. You get even funnier when you're freaking out.

    Sorry, was that mean? Not trying to be. Trying really hard to be supportive, because man, I've been there (in stressful visa situations, not Australia).

    Six months is a long time and a lot really can change by then. So I know you'll find something by then. I have total faith!

    ReplyDelete