Tuesday, September 27, 2011

How to prepare for an interview: Decoybetty Style

Today I had an interview for a job because of this blog.  And so now, I must bow to you, blog, and to you, bloggers, for letting this little space on the internet be a place that causes me so much joy that I can't help but blog every day.  No seriously, thank you.  I adore you, blog, and each one of you.  If I could get a puppy to give you a kiss right now I would. THAT is how much I love you.

With that in mind, I thought I'd show my gratitude the only way I know how, which is to impart a bit advice I've learned from my panic attacks over job interviews.  Let thee not panic in case a job interview falls in your lap. Just follow this step by step process.

  1. Sit on your bed and contemplate how this happened to you.  That's right, remind yourself why you deserve to have a job interview - which is because you're awesome. As if that needs explaining.
  2. Research the organisation's mission and history. You know to find out what they do.
  3. Read it about 12 times.
  4. Convince yourself you have no idea what they do or how they do it.
  5. Assume that sometime in the interview you'll have a major epiphany and the reading you've done will come out of your month in your own words. 
  6. Write questions for when the interviewer asks you if you have any questions.
  7. Write back up questions for your questions because chances are they'll answer the question you so cleverly wrote.
  8. Remind yourself of your "biggest weakness" and remember to turn it into your biggest asset.
  9. Take a shower.
  10. Ahhh, hot water.
  11. Iron your foxy interview outfit.
  12. Hold it up and realise that you've somehow added MORE wrinkles. Curse.
  13. Re-iron shirt.
  14. Realise that you keep making it worse.
  15. Iron skirt. 
  16. Be slightly more successful in skirt de-wrinkling objective (this is good start throwing around words like 'horizontal integration' and 'key objectives')
  17. Leave for interview so that you arrive one-hour early to your destination. 
  18. Find the building you're going to while nonchalantly walking past, you know in case they're watching you.
  19. Find a Hudson's or Gloria Jean's coffee shop.
  20. Order a soy chai latte.
  21. Check watch.
  22. Burn your tongue.
  23. Re-read your notes, realise that your hand writing is an abomination.
  24. Freak out that you have no idea what you're doing or why your doing it.
  25. Worry that you have soy foam on your nose.
  26. Check watch again.
  27. Notice that you're 'freshly' ironed shirt is wrinkled.
  28. Wish you took home-ec so that you learned how to iron.
  29. Check your watch again.
  30. Tell yourself to man up, and walk to the building where the interview will be held.
I can't give you any advice past that point.  And you wouldn't want me to, today during the interview I said "vivor" instead of vigor.  Le sigh. 

32 comments:

  1. Oh, I never get along with the iron.

    Hope, all is well.

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  2. Love this list. And I'm quite sure that the fact that you said vivor instead of vigor just added to your appeal :)

    If they've read your blog, they must LOVE you!

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  3. I recall you said that you negotiated some travel perks because of your blog, and now you've gotten an interview out of it! Well done! Tell us how you leverage it!

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  4. I have determined that ironing? is evil.

    Yuppers. Also? Love the list. LOL. Awesomeness, thanks for sharing. Congrats to you for getting the interview based on the blog. Very cool

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  5. I'm just curious as to what kind of position you were interviewing for? Also, I don't believe in the iron- I either spray with febreeze and give it a few minutes in the dryer, or I use my flat iron. That's right, the one for my hair. It does miracles. If these two things don't work on a piece of clothing, I don't own it!

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  6. yes, perfect step-by-step approach. :) i actually do pretty much every single one of these, except i don't even attempt to iron anything. i just wear something ruffly so it hides the fact that i too never took home ec {i'm a shop girl - what! what!}. seriously though, you have such a talented way with words and so many fantastic personal qualities. it's so crystal clear to see that from just reading your blog, so i'm sure if they have a chance to meet you in real life, you will definitely have what it takes to wow them. now, hopefully, it will be the right fit for you. i know how it is to be so desperate for a job that you get wrangled into the oh so very Wrong job. but you do what you got to do and hope for the best. i'll be over here on the other side of the world hoping for MORE than the best. :)

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  7. LOL! I wish I'd read this before my interview this morning. Here's hoping for you and I!

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  8. Ooh, what type of position?!!?!? I'm also looking for work so dusting off the old resume and wondering if my blog can potentially land me a job.. :-) Hope it went well!!!!

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  9. hahaha! Burn your tongue. I love it, I love the whole list!

    Man...I need a foxy interview outfit! :)

    And so, this is a writing job then?

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  10. love this! I took home ect and was a member of "FHA ( Future Homemakers of America ) I can't iron :)

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  11. Ugh I hate interviews. So much pressure :( I hate when you mess up a word and think it's horrible. Most of the time I think they forgive those things though. Good luck!

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  12. haha, this was great. Way to go an hour early. I always have the best of intentions to leave really early but then barely squeak by on time.

    Hope it went well. :)

    Emily w/Amazing Grapes

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  13. #22 made me crack up! Great list! xo style, she wrote

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  14. That is an awesome list!

    Congrats on the interview!

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  15. I do not own an iron for this exact reason. I hope it went well!! ;)

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  16. Love this list! Very clever. :) Would love to hear more about this job interview your blog got you!

    ~ Angela
    grahamandangela.blogspot.com

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  17. Hiya D,
    This had me smiling throughout as I read... Love your writing style lol informative with subtle hints of sarcasm :P the burn the tongue bit?!? been there done that!! Almost everytime I'm in a rush maybe if I leave to arrive an hour early, my tongue might thank you for your advice :)
    xx
    Siddy
    www.SiddySays.com

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  18. well i hope despite all that, a good results comes from it!

    i hate interviews. one time i actually forgot the point of what i was saying mid sentence and couldn't for the life of me remember what the question was anymore. i thought 'do i just keep rambling and hope for the best? or should i just stop now and hope i answered correctly?' i went with the latter.

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  19. I say words that sound similar to the words I really want to use because my brain is 51 years old.

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  20. Such a great list. Like the soy chai latte. There are so many things to remember before an interview! :)

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  21. LOL that list was hilarious. I love it!

    Hope the interview went well, and I'm curious too about the type of position offered. Can you give us some details??

    P.S. I LOVE ironing. It's how I met my first love ;)

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  22. LOL! Well, I can't say I have interview angst. What freaks me out is the actual applying.
    Why?
    Because I'm probably mentally short a few pegs.

    I've found one outfit that is wrinkle proof, and I use it for every one.

    Now all I need is a job.

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  23. Good luck with your job interview :)

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  24. I will definetely write down this list!

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  25. Ellie - I am glad it's not just me.

    Kimberly - I hope vivor is just you know...one step towards genius?

    Susan - I'll try to work on a post for that, but basically I just asked! :)

    Krysten - Yay, so glad you got it. Sometimes I can't tell if I am funny.

    An imperfect momma - Ironing is evil! First of all, ouch - burns. Secondly, it does not work that well.

    Missa Lee - Social media. Interesting idea with the flat iron!

    Kimbirdy - Aw thanks Kim! I knew a chai latte would be on your list of a pre-interview jitters :)

    Azra - Good luck to you! I'm sure you did great! Did you make up any words?

    Oneika - It totally can. I'll send you an email! :)

    My day in a sentence - Thank you!

    Ashley - yes, writing and social media! The foxy interview outfit is a must for a self- confidence booster.

    olive tree - Ok, well that makes me feel a little better!

    Leeann - I hope so! I guess you have too options to go "whoops did I just say that?" or ignore it, I went with the latter in this case.

    Emily - Well, when taking public transport it's important to leave a long "delay" time :)

    Style she wrote - Thank you!

    Seth + Carlie - Thank you!

    Crazy Shenanigans - Yes, definitely a relief.

    Teachergirl - It's basically just this one shirt that I have! grrr

    Angela - I'll try to do a post about it without it being...you know...about it.

    Siddy - I think it's part of drinking out things - burning the tongue is an imperative step!

    SJ -Gah, I hate when that happens. And sometimes I end up having to be like "um, did that answer your questions..."?

    Twisted Susan - I am all about making up words and mispeaking. Maybe we should start a society?

    Alexa - SO MANY THINGS.

    Crystal - Ok, then perhaps you could do a vlog about how to iron a blouse? You know help a girl out?

    Carol - "what's an iron" is probably an attitude I should adopt.

    le chef - once I am being interviewed I'm usually ok...but I get serious preinterview jitters.

    Marina - THank you!

    JPtimes - Indeed. It's a good pocket guide :)

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  26. Hahahah, I love 22! Love the whole list, period.

    Fingers crossed it all works out! And if it doesn't, no matter, something equally (if not more) awesome will come a-knockin'!

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  27. I'm a few days behind but I can't wait to hear how this turns out (but maybe you've said in the two posts I'm about to read!).

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  28. Haha I really enjoyed reading this!

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