Wednesday, January 04, 2012

Not ready to get back into the swing of things

Happy new year my bitches.  I'm not much for New Year's resolutions so I didn't make one!

Inspector Climate and I actually flew back to Australia on New Year's eve.  Our plane, slightly delayed from leaving the gate, was taking off right as we ticked into the new year.  To be honest, the new year was over shadowed by the three year old sitting next to me who was peeing in an empty bag of Doritos. 

Yeah.

See, while we were still on the ground and waiting to take off the child sitting next to me announced to his mother that he had to pee like right now. And even I, a woman with no children, know when a toddler needs to pee he cannot wait until the fasten seat belt sign is turned off.  The flight attendants wouldn't let the child use the toilet and so the mother compromised and had him pee in a bag.  Let's just say, this was not the beginning of a good flight for me.

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Inspector Climate begged me to blog about this. Begged.  And so I'll tell you about our second day back in Australia. I had a doctor's appointment to schedule a surgery to remove Jorge (begone Jorge! Begone! Is be gone two words? who knew?).  The doctor explained the surgery to me and told me all about the preparation I'd have to undergo: fasting and bowel prep.  He wrote me a prescription for the drink that I'll have to take which he said "will literally give you the shits." 

On the way home, we stopped by the chemist to pick it up and I grabbed the bottle, paid for it, and started heading out of there as quickly as possible. Inspector Climate asked to see it and then said..."Um, I thought your doctor wrote a prescription for drink not a do it yourself enema..."

And so, after an awkward conversation with the chemist I returned it for the drink because let me tell right now I draw the line at an enema.  Jorge, you win that one.

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I also learned something about you all, you're horrible secret keepers.  Go over here to see why, but for the love of Pete don't say who sent you.

How was your holiday?

18 comments:

  1. Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay to being back!! Boo to the pre-Jorge removal grossness.

    And I think between your peeing 3 year old seatmate and my drunk naked New Zealand man, we're tied for the prize of Weirdest New Year's Story Ever!

    So. When's the next Dessert Day? <3

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  2. Welcome back!!! Although really you are farther away from me now, but you know what I mean. I hope the trip was fantastic outside of the boy peeing in the bag. Ugh. Can't wait to hear more about your trip!

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  3. a two year old peeing into a dorito bag - at least it will be one that you will always remember, in a weird way!

    happy 2012 to you!

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  4. Hilarious. And I loved the proposal bit too :))

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  6. Welcome back lady, you were definitely missed!

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  7. LOL! Wow! All I can do is laugh! Glad you're back!!!

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  8. I can't decide if peeing Doritos boy is better or worse than the talking 2 year old who was still breast-feeding mid flight and his awfully chatty mother.

    Hmm.

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  9. i'm still getting my head around the kid peeing in the doritos bag. wtf?!

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  10. OMG, he peed in a bag next to you?? Ridiculous!
    Enemas are ridiculous too. Sorry to hear about the surgery for Jorge. At least he'll be gone soon!!

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  11. Welcome back! Between you and Melbourne on my Mind, you totally have the oddest new years stories covered! Too funny!

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  12. HAHAHA. Love that story about you errr visiting his parents! And so sorry about the flight. Not a good start to things for sure.

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  13. Okay, I went over there --- AND --- except for the childhood bed (because I had my own apartment)?

    It's like you and I made some kind of vow --- EXCEPT --- we must have made the vow in our previous lives since I'm old enough to be your mother!

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  14. Jorge BE GONE! Just now catching up on two weeks of posts I've missed.

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  15. Melbourne on my mind - I'll let you know about dessert day, hopefully soooon!

    E - thank you!

    Prixie - Yes, it definitely was memorable! And frankly, I thought it was going to end worse than it did...I was NOT going to be a happy passenger if I got peed on in the first 30 minutes of a 15 hour flight!

    Azra - Thank you!

    Krysten - Thank you! And I loved your guest post!

    Happy Little Trees Studio - Yes, IC and I just kept looking at each other like "is this REALLY happening?"

    Lorraine - Oh my.

    SJ - I KNOW!

    Teachergirl - I seriously CANNOT handle the enema. Luckily now I don't have to.

    Vanisha - I know! Seriously, it's a good thing we weren't TOGETHER imagine the crazy that would have happened then?

    Alexa - It was pretty awkward.

    Token - I'm sure in my previous life you and I were besties :)

    Heather - Jorge be GONE indeed!

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  17. Ick and the doritto bag peeing. At least this past New Years will always been one you won't forget!

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  18. Yay!! I'm glad your back!! I can't believe the kid peeing into the bag!! They should have let her get up with her kid!

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