Monday, February 20, 2012
I'm being controlling..."no you're not" YES I AM..."no".... YES I AM!
I've been suffering from some severe control issues in the past week. Mostly involving how Inspector Climate cooks things in the kitchen.
I've written it before and I'll write it again (and again and again), Inspector Climate is a novice in the kitchen, he needs supervision and asks constant questions. All of which doesn't really matter when he cooks sometimes or when I was recovering and I really really couldn't help him. I was happy to relinquish control of the kitchen. Because what is hotter than a man who cooks? Nothing, nothing is hotter (that's a lie. A man with puppy lying at his feet while he cooks...ooh ooh a man with a lion cub sitting on his head with a puppy at his feet...um, what were we talking about?)
But now, I feel like I should be well enough to take walks, grocery shop, stand up for more than 8 minutes at a time. I should be strong enough to reach for a pan that's on the top shelf. Of course, I'm not. Healing takes time - and while theoretically I get that. I do. In practice, it's a big ole bitch.
And so, I snap at Inspector Climate that he is doing it wrong and use that exasperated tone of voice that couples use when they've been asked the same question a floppity jillion times.
Then, I feel awful. So awful I cry and I apologise and make promises to myself that this guy that I adore so completely should never be treated like that again.
Wash, Rinse, Repeat.
That's the funny thing about recovery (and I don't mean funny ha ha) - well about most things in life these days - they're all so segregated. We see specialists for "lady bits" problems and specialists for stomach problems and specialists for our hair and our teeth and our eyes and our toes and ... whose the specialist who realises that all those things are connected. And that just maybe a problem in one area will cause heaps of problems in others?
Would you believe that I have a point to all this? I feel horrible for the way I've treated Inspector Climate and I've told him so time and time again, and luckily he loves me even when I'm horrible. But I feel quite horrible about the way I've treated myself in this recovery too - I promised myself I'd "Letgive" this year - particularly about Jorge - and I'm not living up to my end of bargain. Why would I think that physical recovery would not be accompanied by some emotional recovery? Foolish.
How was your weekend?