Monday, February 20, 2012

I'm being controlling..."no you're not" YES I AM..."no".... YES I AM!


I've been suffering from some severe control issues in the past week.  Mostly involving how Inspector Climate cooks things in the kitchen.

I've written it before and I'll write it again (and again and again), Inspector Climate is a novice in the kitchen, he needs supervision and asks constant questions.  All of which doesn't really matter when he cooks sometimes or when I was recovering and I really really couldn't help him. I was happy to relinquish control of the kitchen.  Because what is hotter than a man who cooks? Nothing, nothing is hotter (that's a lie. A man with puppy lying at his feet while he cooks...ooh ooh a man with a lion cub sitting on his head with a puppy at his feet...um, what were we talking about?)

But now, I feel like I should be well enough to take walks, grocery shop, stand up for more than 8 minutes at a time. I should be strong enough to reach for a pan that's on the top shelf.  Of course, I'm not. Healing takes time - and while theoretically I get that. I do. In practice, it's a big ole bitch.

And so, I snap at Inspector Climate that he is doing it wrong and use that exasperated tone of voice that couples use when they've been asked the same question a floppity jillion times.

Then, I feel awful. So awful I cry and I apologise and make promises to myself that this guy that I adore so completely should never be treated like that again.

Wash, Rinse, Repeat.

That's the funny thing about recovery (and I don't mean funny ha ha) - well about most things in life these days - they're all so segregated. We see specialists for "lady bits" problems and specialists for stomach problems and specialists for our hair and our teeth and our eyes and our toes and ... whose the specialist who realises that all those things are connected. And that just maybe a problem in one area will cause heaps of problems in others?

Would you believe that I have a point to all this? I feel horrible for the way I've treated Inspector Climate and I've told him so time and time again, and luckily he loves me even when I'm horrible.  But I feel quite horrible about the way I've treated myself in this recovery too - I promised myself I'd "Letgive" this year - particularly about Jorge - and I'm not living up to my end of bargain.  Why would I think that physical recovery would not be accompanied by some emotional recovery? Foolish.

How was your weekend?

20 comments:

  1. Aw... I know this feeling all too well.

    The important thing is you do know what you are doing, and that is half the battle won. :)

    Stay strong and positive. All will be well.

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  2. Aww. Inspector Climate is understanding, isn't he. He's definitely a keeper! All he needs is that puppy/lion cub at his feet and he will be near perfect.

    Perhaps your separation from Jorge has resulted in some kind of stirring up of your emotions?

    I'm a bit of a control freak too. I like things done my way - well I am getting out of that habit now (kind of, trying to). But I am lucky in one regard - D is a much better cook than me. And he loves cooking.

    There is someone who realises that all of these things are connected - a naturopath! I love them.

    My weekend was good - it was Sustainable Living Festival weekend! I don't suppose you got a chance to go down there (feeling a bit gross to make the trip, perhaps)?

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  3. Hi! I agree with Prixie about the important thing .. You have recognized and apologized. I used to be the same regarding the kitchen but now I just let him do what he does in there because he cooks really tasty things! Yes, they are different than what I do and often I am 'invited' in to do the seasoning, but all in all, it has worked out .. And I have much less guilt to contend with. Now, a lion cub would be a really nice addition too!

    Loulou

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  4. There will always be anger in the kitchen. I believe. I see how my parents spat about it. I see how someone was about Valentines dinner because it was 'special'. And he wanted it a certain way.

    He swears I've tried to kill him with cornbread.

    Its a territory that takes a long while of give and take, even if its over Miracle Whip or mayo in the tuna to who's turn to clean up the mess.

    But I'm sure Jorge is making it quite intense on you these days.

    This was a fun post! I hope you are getting better.

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  5. Aww, I know exactly what you´re talking about! I need to work on my control issues as well!

    xx Ivana

    Stop by sometimes :)
    Macarons and Pearls

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  6. Jorge is a bitch. You are not. Wishing a speedy emotional and physical recovery!

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  7. Oh, I wouldn't be too hard on yourself. You're doing the best you can with the circumstance you're in. You won't be in recovery for ever. The important thing is that you catch yourself after and soon you'll be in tune enough that you'll catch yourself before. The inspector loves you and forgives you so love yourself and forgive you too. You're doing great!

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  8. I definitely have control issues I need to relinquish. One bad out of the many great qualities I inherited from my mother. Poor Boyfriend :-( (mine, not yours!)

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  9. I hope you feel better soon! I am sure that IC knows that you are in pain and doesn't hold it against you. I am a bit of a control freak too so I know it can be hard to let go, but know he would be lost without you and I am sure he appreciates your know how in the kitchen.
    *Hugs!!*

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  10. i'm sure he completely understands what's going on and sounds like he's being super patient about it.
    you'll be back to your old self soon, meanwhile don't beat yourself up too much!

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  11. My own resolution this year was Let It Be and so I feel ya sister, it's so much easier said than done. Try and give yourself a break if you can...even if that break is just not beating yourself up for when you haven't been able to let it be!

    Thinking of you lots during this recovery period for you...

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  12. I hope you are able to be as gracious with yourself as Inspector Climate, and keep in mind you aren't going to be able to act completely rationally all the time as your body heals.

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  13. your blog is so cute! loving it and following on gfc.. hope you can follow if you like mine too!
    xo,
    LMQ

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  14. Awwwwwwww, poor Deidre. And poor IC. Maybe work on that puppy/lion cub thing so that when you inadvertently snap, he can go "LOOK, PUPPY AND/OR LION CUB!!" and all will be right with the world! ;)

    And in the meantime, order takeaway and save you both the trouble?

    <3

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  15. At least you know you are doing it and apologising to your partner. I think thats a good start, chin up lovely.

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  16. I think we all get a big controlling sometimes. I think it's human nature. Especially if you like things a certain way. Sometimes I rather just do something myself instead of delegating it to others.

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  17. I'm really controlling too... but like others have said, recognizing it is half the battle. Now you just need to learn to control your controlling nature ;-)

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  18. Prixie - I hope it is!

    Belinda - It definitely has stirred up some emotions being jorgeless! It was bound to - it's hormonal.

    Loulou - Aw, thank you! More lion cubs all around :)

    Ellie - We don't get that angry if we are cooking together - but if he is cooking but needs to be micromanaged is annoying.

    Ivana - Virtual high five?

    The Zadge - Thank you! I generally think you're right. Now that Jorge is gone hopefully I'll become less bitchy over time.

    Poptartyogini - Yes, I hope soon I can catch myself before hand!

    Rose - Aw, yes I think I may have inherited this one from my mama as well.

    Teachergirlblogs - Aw thank you! control freaks unite!

    SJ - He is SOOO patient, it's kind of incredible actually.

    Kyle - So much easier said then done! Le sigh. I'll try!

    E - Aw thank you my dear :)

    Leslie - Thanks for stopping by and following, I'll be stopping by yours later in the week :)

    Melbourne on your mind - RIGHT puppies solve everything.

    green tea and cupcakes - Hah, I hope it is a good step!

    Gracie - I totally hear you!

    Krysten - yes! that's an excellent idea maybe i'll feel in control of control and then will feel better about being less controlling?

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  19. OMG! How eerie! I feel sooo guilty when I snap too. It's the one thing I'd change about myself in a heartbeat!

    On a funny note, it's not much better from the other end. My beau is a professional, trained chef with years experience and DESTROYS the kitchen and fridge AND cupboards EVERY time he cooks... which he INSISTS on being the only one who can (even though I myself have quite a few years packed in a commercial kitchen too).

    *sigh*

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  20. I do the same thing but when it comes to the TV. I can't help it! I want to control the tv and what we watch lol

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