Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Let's Stay Together (There's an Al Green song for every occasion)

It's been a week since surgery and I finally am starting to feel more like myself.  On Saturday we took a walk that would normally takes me about 9 minutes; I had to stop and sit on benches twice on the way.  And then slept for 13 hours.

But today, I put my underoos on all by myself - do you know how much stomach muscles are used in putting on undies? Heaps.

There are moments from the past week that I would not like to forget - no matter how unpleasant or scary. Moments of undeniably kindness and moments of ridiculousness (this goes without saying).

Monday night as I prepared for surgery, I had to take bowel prep. Have you ever prepared your bowel?  I'd only heard horror stories of how uncomfortable it is, how bad the stuff tastes, etc etc. And I won't tell you it was akin to a sunset walk in Vanuatu - I'm not a liar. But it was not nearly as horrible as it could of been, I mean you're drinking something that is supposed to give you the shits, it's not going to taste like a soy chai latte. But the hardest part of bowel prep is the waiting....the waiting for it to start. I finished drinking the stuff at 7:20 (lemon and ginger flavoured my ass), and didn't start with the um...bowel cleansing...until 11 - which if you know anything about me is several hours past my bed time.

And I'm sorry for the two males who read my blog...but this must be said. I started my..um...ladies holiday on Tuesday morning. Jorge couldn't just let me win the war without a few more battles.  And so, as I put on the backless gown - they gave me throw away hospital granny panties. The sex appeal was undeniable and Inspector Climate and I had a good laugh as I pranced around our curtained off hospital room in a backless gown and jumbo sized undies.

I don't really want to remember the look of fear and sorrow and pain on Inspector Climate's face as he spread the sheet over me in the hospital bed.  Shit got real, yo.  I cried. We held hands as they put this giant heater on me (called the Bare Hugger). And I waited.

Until I didn't. Those doctors wait for no one. When they're ready. They're ready. With a quick kiss from Inspector Climate I was wheeled off through doors and hallways (to be honest, they could have brought me anywhere as they took away my glasses and I could see...nothing).

I asked the Anesthesiologist if  a lot of people say funny things when they're coming out of anesthesia - but apparently they say the funniest stuff when they're going under. Like the one guy who said "I have sex with men in public in St Kilda" as he drifted to unconsciousness.   As he finished the punchline of his story, the nurse told me to take a few deep breaths and then I was gone.

I woke up in pain. The nurse gave me more pain killers and then I slept. I couldn't keep my eyes open. Inspector Climate appeared beside me and stayed there. The doctor stopped by twice.  I asked to sit up hoping I'd be able to stay awake long enough to tell Inspector Climate that I loved him, but I'm not sure I ever said the words as I'd drifted off to sleep again (and again and again).  I asked for my glasses hoping that if I could see, I'd stay awake. I slept.

Once we got home I slept more - I slept the day away. I heard Inspector Climate on the phone saying "I thought it would be much harder taking care of her, but all she does is sleep."

Today is Valentine's Day - a day in which is like any other in Inspector Climate's and my relationship except on Valentine's day we celebrate by buying a gift that we need. This year's is a slotted spatula (which probably is the traditional Valentine's gift for your first Valentine's as a married couple...I'm not 100% on that though).

I really got the best gift of all though - I caught me a man who takes care of me when I'm at my worst, makes me laugh 'til it hurts (which to be fair is easy when you have stomach surgery), and  slept on the floor because I was worried that in his sleeping shenanigans he'd hit me in the stomach in my sleep (this is sadly not an irrational fear as a few nights before he slapped me in the face because he thought I had bugs on my head). A guy who still loved me even when I wore gauze-like jumbo sized granny panties.  If that ain't the real thing, I don't know what is.


  1. Aw, I'm glad you've got him. I am hoping you are on the mend as well. All the best. And Happy Valentines day!

  2. That's wonderful you have such a caring husband to look after you as you recover. Sounds like a love-filled Valentines Day!

  3. I'm glad you're feeling better. Having a supportive husband means so much to me. Coming home to a man who lifts me up, cherishes me, and makes me feel whole is the best thing in the world. You can't replace the power of love. I'm glad the Inspector was with you and helping you recover.

    Take it easy. <3

  4. Major points for Inspector Climate - what a great hubby! Hope you feel better soon. I am sad you didn't blurt out something awesome and random to share with us though. :)

  5. Happy slotted spoon day! Glad you have such a good guy to take care of you. Did you get to keep the grannies panties? ;)

  6. wow it really sounds like you're living every newlywed's dream - bowel cleansing, granny panties, slotted spatula's. it doesn't get much better than that does it? oh what's that? it will get much MUCH better? thank god! :)

  7. This brought a tear to my eye! That boy loves you! Happy Valentine's day to you both. I hope you feel better soon and that you can spend lots of time with IC soon (without pain of course). Hugs!

  8. Dawwwwwwwwwwwwww... He's a keeper, that one. I mean, he even tolerated me invading your house and making a total mess! ;)

    Glad you're feeling better. Excellent work on the knickers-putting-on!

  9. Glad you're feeling a little better. Happy Valentines Day :)

  10. Swift recouperation and happy Valentine's Day, darling!

  11. Who knew a post with bowel prep and special lady time in it could be so sweet? :)

    Hope your recovery keep progressing nicely, dear.


  12. Awwww. And HA! to the Inspector's chivalrous nights on the floor. Love the gift tradition, might need to borrow it for myself. (We need living room curtains!)

  13. I am so happy you're feeling better lady!

  14. What a surgery story. I can't believe you started vacationing right before. I had ankle surgery awhile back and it started right after. In the hospital. That was a low. You're so blessed to have someone to laugh and cry with about these things. Enjoy your slotted spoon and Happy Valentine's Day!

  15. Aw! He's definitely in it for the long haul! Happy Valentine's Day! Glad you're feeling better.

  16. Wow, an Al Green fan! we just have such similar musical tastes. Thanks for not saying it was a Seal song. Hope you're feeling better. That really doesn't sound like fun surgery at all. And yes, slotted spoons are definitely on the 1st year list. Now how can you top it the second year?!

  17. amen sistah. that was my gift too. my gift to him was a giant, sexy hole in my stomach

  18. Oh sweetie, I feel your pain. Although, your hospital gown story made me giggle. They can never get those things right, can they?

    I hope you are feeling better soon! Hugs from Chile!

  19. Ellie - I'm so glad I've got him too!

    Carrie - It was! I hope you had one too.

    B - Thank you!

    Ruby - I'm sad too! And Inspector Climate was nearly devastated that I wasn't saying silly things.

    E - Slotted spatulas are not to be underrated.

    Kimbirdy - Hah, I know. That's how we roll over here. We live the dream.

    Teacher girl - Thank you! That's so sweet.

    Melbourne on my mind - When he read this comment he said "she can come over any time...as long as she makes cake"

    Azra - Thank you!

    Twisted Susan - Thanks Susan!

    Lorraine - hah, Certainly not I!

    Emily - Definitely borrow it! It is a fantastic excuse to splurge a bit on a necessity :)

    Krysten - THANK YOU!

    poptartyogini - RIGHT! I couldn't believe it. I was not on speaking terms with my body.

    Crazy Shenanigans - Thanks my dear! I was so bummed to read about your Jamaica .

    Mil - LOVE al green! Motown and I go way back :)

    Bridget - Seriously, your recent hospital saga has made me speechless. The hole in your tummy is incredibly sexy - I am sure B appreciates it :)

    Titleless blog - Hospital gowns are NOT attractive. THANK YOU.

  20. And it is those exact moments that make you "re-remember" how wonderful a person is. It makes the sucky things in life not suck so much when you have a love that will take care of you so well :) awww. continue to feel better. Loving your blog!

  21. I know I'm a week late, but I'm so glad things went smoothly and IC was there to take care of you <3 I've only been under twice, and the first time I was only 7 -- freaky! Glad you're back to regular size undies now O:-)