Tuesday, April 03, 2012

The first time in a long time...

I'm not sure what made me think I'd outgrow the feeling completely. But it has been years since I felt this way. Inspector Climate's arrival into my life made it so there was no more room for doubt on whether right now Australia is the right home for me. Until last week.

Last week, Inspector Climate's grandfather passed away unexpectedly (I'll write more about him next time...he deserves his own post).  We drove a little over two hours to the hospital to visit him one last time before he "was gone" as Inspector Climate's grandmother says. We got to be with Inspector Climate's parents, his sister, his aunt, his grandmother. We were there, a network of support and love during a time when nothing feels supportive or loving.

It was new for me, being the in-law in a time of difficulty and pain.  An add in on a family during such heart ache.

I kept myself there (for the most part) to rub Inspector Climate's back during the funeral, to hug his dad afterwards, to talk to his sister about how horrifying it must be to lose your partner of 60 years, and to listen to his mom who needed to vent about too much time spent with her in laws.

I tried to not make it about me. But now it is inevitable, here I am. 15000 miles away from my elderly and not doing all that well grandparents. When the moment comes, I cannot get to them in time for one last goodbye. I will not be there in the middle of the night when my parents get that call.

Instead I'm over here. Literally on the opposite side of the world. What am I doing here? Why am I so far away?

I've never felt so much apart of Inspector Climate's family, but I've also not felt quite this alone and isolated for a long time.

Being so far away might be the right choice, but it isn't always the easy one.


14 comments:

  1. Hearing you there. Not as far away, but dollar wise almost as far away from my family and friends. Didn't occur to me it was a big deal until I realised I'd probably miss MY OLDEST FRIEND'S weddding. Wah wah wah. First reminder of isolation being hard.... more to come I am sure.

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  2. hugs xoxo. Moving merely across the country, it was hardest to say goodbye to the grandparents. The same pains you feel, I do too... but your distance is greater. You (and your elderly) are in my prayers.

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  3. It's hard being anywhere that's not the exact same city as your family when you start thinking about things like this. I guess at the end of the day, you should just make the most of the times when you DO get to see your family. You know?

    Hugs to both you and IC.
    <3

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  4. I'm so sorry to hear about your husband's Grandfather. That's such a difficult thing.

    You have no idea how much I understand this post. Why can't we be in two (or three or four) places at once? I worry all the time that I'll regret this time away from my family. Being a grown up sucks sometimes doesn't it.

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  5. This is one of the major reasons I moved home. No lie. But now it's my husband who has to deal with these long distance worries. What if one of his parents get sick? What if his sister has a baby? How do we decide whose family is more important. That is the part of bi-cultural marriages no one really talks about. But you ultimately have to do what is right for you. When the time comes you will deal with that harder part of it. Until then you simply have to count your blessings. :) (Of which you have so many!)

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  6. Really sorry to hear about your husband's grandfather and being away from family is always tough. My mom struggles with it daily but she can't stand being around them for more than a week at a time. :) Go figure!

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  7. I'm pretty sure what you're feeling is totally normal. Everyone questions themselves and it makes sense these feelings came up during a family tragedy. I know I question living a mile from my parents. Am I missing out on a grand adventure by staying close to home? My thoughts and prayers are with IC and his family.

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  8. This is a thought I grapple with. My intention is to immigrate too and I try to keep a level head on the gravity of that but it's easy to idealise things until reality hits home.

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  9. I'm only 2,000 miles away from my family, but it feels like 15,000. I feel your pain.

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  10. So sorry to hear about IC's grandfather. You two, and his family, are in my thoughts.
    I can only imagine how hard it must be to be away from your family. Just remember that I am sure they know how much you love them, and there are always way to keep them close. Skype, letters, cards, e-mails, gifts, photos-- they can all help you stay connected. *hugs*

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  11. I'm sorry to hear about his grandfather. Sending good thoughts!

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  12. This is so sad. I'm sorry to hear about your grandfather-in-law.

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  13. I, too, am sorry to hear about your husband's grandfather. Saying goodbye is never easy. And you're right--the right thing isn't always easy. My brother married a Swede--so we're the family left behind. Not that I would ever whine about it. Naturally.

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  14. My condolences. My hubby is youngish and his father is very old, 94. One stressor of living in Cape Town is that we won't be there if/when he dies, and then, can we afford the last minute $2,000 plane ticket (just for him)? We try not to worry too much, but it is always in the back of our minds....

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