Thursday, April 19, 2012

Is it impatience or a go-getter attitude?

Last weekend, Inspector Climate and I got our, albeit small, planter box ready for our winter crops.

We ripped out the remains of basil.  We added the compost that Inspector Climate has lovingly tended to over the last year to the soil for nutrients and we "fed" and put compost on our lemon tree.  Now we let it all settle for the week before I plant spinach, rocket, and miscellaneous lettuce (hopefully that will not get consumed by some hungry birds like last time).

I had a glimpse of what our future would look like of days gardening - shovels in hand - dirt everywhere (in my case on my forehead probably) with home grown vegetables coming out of our ears.

That's my dream.

And this is what worries me (a lot of things worry me).

I do not want to be 40 before this dream comes true. I want to make it happen now. The dream of living on a farm with chickens and puppies (living in harmony - I mean, hey it is a dream right?), a big garden, maybe a cow, and a rustic New England farm house - this dream runs strong with me.

There are some set backs. Inspector Climate is starting his PhD which basically means we can't move anywhere until he finishes it.  What happens when we make the dream come true with our little Tasmanian farm and then I need to go home and take care of my elderly parents? Who will tend to our hypothetical cow then? Who I say, WHO!

As I verbalise these fears and worries to Inspector Climate I become more and more anxious that life is going to happen before I live the way I've want to live.  And he gets worried that I'm unhappy living the way I am now - which I'm not.

And then I settle down, I say "self, chillax you're 26...You're not going to be 40 for a few years yet. The dream will happen when it happens."  Until something else rattles me up and I wonder why I'm living in the shadow of the life that I dream us to be living. When will I be able to get a God Damn Puppy?

And then I settle down again. I realise that a few years of city living might be what's right for us now - I mean I have a job that I like!

But then...in the immortal words of Dido...

"I don't want to wait for our lives to be over...
Will it be yes, or will it be...sorry?" - Is there ever a moment where Dawson Creek doesn't supply the answer? If such a moment exists, I don't ever want to meet it.

Are you living the dream?

32 comments:

  1. I get you, girl, I get you. I feel the same way so often and I get super anxious about it. I am afraid I am going to end up old and upset with the way my life turned out. I try to relax and, like you, remember that I am young. I also try and do what I can at the present moment to work towards my dreams. At the end of the day, that is all that we can do.

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  2. I am also not living the dream. I think about it a lot. I don't know what to do about it and it makes me sad. And I also want a goddamn puppy.

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  3. I am most definitely NOT living the dream. Past Kirsti did not think she'd be living with her parents at the age of 28, let alone faced with the idea of living with them until she's 30. NYARGH.

    But on the plus side, it means I get to put off dealing with grown up things like water bills and paying rent and dealing with spiders in the house. So...there's that!!

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  4. DUDE. That's Paula Cole not Dido. Pfffffffffffft!

    I constantly wish things were different. I wish I had a bathtub that didn't have rotting old caulk around it. I wish I had a kitchen I could cook in. I wish a lot of things. What has snapped me back to reality lately is my husband. He has a traumatic case of the "when will I's" and it's killing him emotionally and physically. It's literally stopping him from moving forward. So I have to find the zen for both of us. (Harder than it seems.)

    So I guess what I am saying is that you have to live with the now to get to the future. And since we HAVE to live with it, why not enjoy it.

    But I think you're doing a pretty good job of that!

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  5. Oh..I'm sure you will get there..somehow. Just make every day count..some way.. Its great that you are composting.

    We would love to have chickens for fresh eggs, but our town doesn't allow it.

    Where my grandparents live in TX, you get a tax break if you have a horse. Unfortunately, lots of stampedes out in those little rancheros, as of late. No one can seem to build a fence to keep a horse, in.

    Anyway, I expect I'll come to my parents' bedroom one day to find out there are 3 chickens roosting in their bathroom. My dad loves birds.

    All the best to the container gardening. We hope to keep the deer away from our garden. I don't think they liked the raspberries last year, but the berries might come sooner this year. See, you even have the freak'n weather to worry over, as well.

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  6. As the elder of the bunch here (I will turn 43 in May) I can tell you I've been there, wondering when I'll make the dream happen. But you know what? You never stop dreaming. The "when I do (fill in the blank), then I'll be really happy" doesn't really ever end. If you had told me 20 years ago, I'd be living in a gorgeous town, married with four kids, with a job I love, I'd say I was living the dream...however, it's human nature to think, "well, is this it?" The point is to just enjoy each moment, each day, each sunset, sunrise, season. Life moves very swiftly.

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  7. Live the dream every day but be ready to adapt when circumstances wrestle your plans to the ground and pee on them.

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  8. I feel the same! When I complain I want things to happen now, or I want to do things now, people tell me I have so many years ahead of me. But do I? Who knows what will happen, I believe in embracing the present because you never know when things will change in a way that is out of your control.

    That's why I've decided to move back to Perth... now rather than later, to spend quality time with my family.

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  9. Ok, you're 26 right! I'm 45....so, I'm telling you you're too young to start worrying about these things. try to make them happen, but don't stress!!! You're too young!

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  10. I am so with you - When am I going to get a horse??? I've only wanted one since I was four years old. And then I get anxious about the future. It's good to know that I'm not alone

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  11. Interestingly enough I seem to be living your dream, 'cept no cow yet. We do however have the dogs (obnoxious things that chew on everything including our houses and cars) chicks (who are being mean to each other) and a half to 3/4 of an acre that is nothing but garden (holy dirt and bugs batman!) I miss target and In N Out.
    I'm not quite as bitter as I sound, but this is seriously not where I thought I'd be. It's a happy place though.

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  12. so familiar, and there is never enough time, it seems... although there's always some more time ahead, because I think we never stop dreaming. I used to think about 30 as the scary "finite" age where you either have achieved all your dreams to the point or may as well go somewhere and just wait to die miserable and unfulfilled. now I have come dangerously close to that number and guess what - I don't feel like all the fun has ended, in fact, there is a whole lot of fun going on and some more in store. keep following the dream one step at a time ;)

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  13. I really understand what you mean about this post. I am impatient but also I think 'you only get one life, you should be living your dream!'

    But then I chill out and realise I have it pretty good already, and things have a way of working out :)

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  14. ah yes, I had those worries about what my life would be like. I quickly realized that I had to put life in a realistic perspective. Had you told me that I would be living away from my beloved NYC I would have laughed. Moving away from NYC was not in my plan, however I had to learn to let go of the things that did not really matter. I currently live in GA, with my dream hubby, my dream job with two pups. None of those things were in my original plan or dream. I had to learn to focus on what mattered and what was already good with my life. I'm living the dream and I'm still in my 20s. :o)

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  15. Totally can relate although I am a little bit younger than you. I think so far I am living my dream but I am young and I have so much to look forward to that is yet to come. I become very anxious and often fed up about myself thinking I have not (or will not) live up to what I want to be. There have been a few things down the road that have not been in my original plan but I've work my way around. Keep your head and strive for the best.

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  16. Yep. Totally Paula Cole, not Dido ;)

    I get it. I'm sort of in a hurry to go back to the States now that we are starting a family, but these things take time and planning and time and planning stress me out.

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  17. I definitely understand that sort of never never land between wanting things you can't (yet) have but still enjoying the life you're living, without getting stagnant. We've been stuck living at my in-law's for so long...yet I still feel like we live the dream life. I'm not sure if that's called a positive attitude...or delusional.

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  18. Strange that I had a similar conversation with my S.O last night - talking about how I feel we have not progressed quickly enough, how that I am close to 30 and am no where near the life I thought I would have had at this age. I hate these thoughts, hate them.

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  19. I hope your dream comes true soon dear!:)

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  20. man becomes what he thinks about...I say keep our expectations for life high!!!

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  21. I totally understand, but I agree with your Inspector there - 40 is a long time away (I should really listen to myself).

    But just think, all the mistakes you might make on this farm you can learn from and perfect on your bigger farm one day

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  22. Nice blog!!!!
    xoxo

    cappucinofrio.blogspot.com

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  23. we moved into our new house two years ago and i still haven't managed to get our garden in. it's my number one goal this spring/summer.

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  24. Seems like a lot of us are going through the same thing. I feel the same despite the different details. I think it's wonderful you have a job you love. That's very rare these days. You will get the life you are dreaming of I'm sure of it. Sometimes things just need a little time and our lives take a turn when we least expect it.

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  25. A blogger I read, Homesprout has the homesteading life you're describing. It's possible, and before the age of 40, too. You just have to make small steps, when you can, towards what you want...

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  26. Yep, definitely know what you mean. I'm trying to finish up my PhD this year, and I'm hoping to move to the UK for a job for 2 years, come home and have an awesome job lined up, buy a house, and husband would like babies in there somewhere before we're 30. That's a lot to squash in since I'm 27 now! It's a bit scary to think of sometimes, and yes life could end up being completely different to what I'd like it to be. However I like to think that the way it will turn out is the way it was always supposed to be. It doesn't help the aargh! feeling a lot of the time right now though, haha.

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  27. I was just thinking about this topic this morning and I'm not living it either. But I've decided to just start doing it because I never will.

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  28. Thanks for your sweet comments on Nicole's blog about my photos. This is a wondeful post. We are a military family, so all my 'dream home' daydreams are going to be put on hold until my hubs is done with {in 10 years} so I can understand your position. We want so many things all at once, but part of the beauty of life is getting them as they are given :)

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  29. I, too, have the same garden dreams as you. I just planted tons and tons of stuff on our patio, only to realize that our patio gets no direct sunlight. ARGH!!

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  30. My advice Deirdre is this: Live in the moment but never lose sight of your dreams. As long as you achieve them, it doesn't matter when it is and the adventures you'll have on the way are all part of the fun!

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  31. Last summer people told me to be patient about pursuing my remote work dream and I didn't get it. Shouldn't I go after it and be persistent?!

    I think what they meant was to be patient with myself. To work toward the goal but to allow time to unfold and not force or rush it.

    I love that you want a farm and in Tasmania! Keep taking steps toward that goal!

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  32. I think the older we get the more we fear that time is running out. I have no doubt that you'll get your dream. You are GO GETTER! And ps: I love you even more for the Dawson's creek answer lol

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