Last weekend, Inspector Climate and I got our, albeit small, planter box ready for our winter crops.
We ripped out the remains of basil. We added the compost that Inspector Climate has lovingly tended to over the last year to the soil for nutrients and we "fed" and put compost on our lemon tree. Now we let it all settle for the week before I plant spinach, rocket, and miscellaneous lettuce (hopefully that will not get consumed by some hungry birds like last time).
I had a glimpse of what our future would look like of days gardening - shovels in hand - dirt everywhere (in my case on my forehead probably) with home grown vegetables coming out of our ears.
That's my dream.
And this is what worries me (a lot of things worry me).
I do not want to be 40 before this dream comes true. I want to make it happen now. The dream of living on a farm with chickens and puppies (living in harmony - I mean, hey it is a dream right?), a big garden, maybe a cow, and a rustic New England farm house - this dream runs strong with me.
There are some set backs. Inspector Climate is starting his PhD which basically means we can't move anywhere until he finishes it. What happens when we make the dream come true with our little Tasmanian farm and then I need to go home and take care of my elderly parents? Who will tend to our hypothetical cow then? Who I say, WHO!
As I verbalise these fears and worries to Inspector Climate I become more and more anxious that life is going to happen before I live the way I've want to live. And he gets worried that I'm unhappy living the way I am now - which I'm not.
And then I settle down, I say "self, chillax you're 26...You're not going to be 40 for a few years yet. The dream will happen when it happens." Until something else rattles me up and I wonder why I'm living in the shadow of the life that I dream us to be living. When will I be able to get a God Damn Puppy?
And then I settle down again. I realise that a few years of city living might be what's right for us now - I mean I have a job that I like!
But then...in the immortal words of Dido...
"I don't want to wait for our lives to be over...
Will it be yes, or will it be...sorry?" - Is there ever a moment where Dawson Creek doesn't supply the answer? If such a moment exists, I don't ever want to meet it.
Are you living the dream?