Thursday, May 10, 2012

Tomorrow is another day with no mistakes in it, yet. - Anne Shirley

For two weeks in a row - I've made mistakes at work. Nothing huge, nothing serious, nothing even remotely horrifying - but mistakes all the same. (I haven't told anyone company secrets, I haven't sexually harrassed a co-worker, and I certainly have not stolen money from my work place. In fact, I made a spelling error in a tweet, THERE I SAID IT).

And each time, the same thing happens (and luckily both times have been when I'm working at home), I sob uncontrollably for basically the rest of the day. All I do is relive the moment the error happened and then think about how I could prevent that same mistake from happening again.

Which honestly is a pretty good reaction because it means that I'm thinking of new processes for myself to minimise errors.  The bad thing is reliving the mistake over and over and over, sobbing, berating myself, and being generally quite mean to me.

Me doesn't deserve that kind of treatment.

Of course, it's easy for me to say that above statement now. Now that I've had a good night sleep and have distanced myself a bit from the mistakes that have been made. I mean - sure.

But at the time, I just can't. I can't even begin to describe how embarrassed and horrified I am.

And it might be because of the public nature of these mistakes. I make a mistake and everyone sees it because I'm externally communicating our messages. It might be because I've always reacted this way when I make mistakes.

I'm like the puppy that chews your shoe - by accident! - and knows immediately that it was a horrible terrible thing to do and goes running off into another part of the house; tail between my legs, whimpering to myself and then won't come back down because the embarrassment is just too much to handle.

I've said it 1000 times, and I'll say it 50,000 more times I'm sure, but I'm not good at learning new things and I'm not good at forgiving myself when I don't pick things up as easily as I think I should.  But part of this I think stems from my fear of making mistakes - and making mistakes is terrible because of the way I treat myself after I've made one.  It would be so much easier if I could just learn to make mistakes, say to myself, "Self, that was a truly bad idea next time don't do that" and then move on.

Maybe I won't master that in this life time, but maybe in the next one.

23 comments:

  1. I'm awful at giving myself a break. I'm actually still sulking internally over a mistake I made a couple weeks ago. Dang it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I have a problem in the opposite direction. Sometimes I left myself off the hook a little too easy.

    Both ways are bad. It's important to allow yourself mistakes. I mean, I'm not sure how you would go about easing up on yourself. but I do hope you find away. Your Me is a pretty cool kid, and you should remember that.

    Lor

    ReplyDelete
  3. My mother use to say that she never needed to punish me - I always did a better job of it myself. Perhaps you suffer from the same ailment. Over the years I've learnt not to be so hard on myself :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Beating yourself up over tiny mostly insignificant things? Oh hai. Welcome to the club. My brain even managed to dredge up mistakes that I made a hundred years ago and force me to relive what I did wrong.

    Like this one time when I was about three or four, I was at the fruit shop with my mother, and I started poking at the seeds in the chunks of precut watermelon, because FUN. And I got yelled at by the guy who owned the store. Yeah, my brain digs that one up every six months or so. It's awesome...

    ANYWAY. Everyone makes mistakes. And I think we should just look on the bright side that ours are tiny insignificant things and not embezzlement/sexual harassment/something that will definitely get you fired! <3

    ReplyDelete
  5. Sounds like you are being WAY too hard on yourself Deirdre. Making mistakes at work can suck but I always remind myself that I am not a Doctor and that nobody will die as a result of me errors.

    Next time you are tempted to be too hard on yourself check these out:

    http://www.chilloutpoint.com/funny/top-40-funniest-construction-mistakes.html

    ReplyDelete
  6. Oh and 'Melbourne on my Mind' - don't you hate how your mind stores incidents that should be insignificant and sends them at you every few months to try and shame you? Mine does that too - sounds to me like you need to do some mindfulness on that memory to see it in a different light!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Don't be too hard on yourself girly! We all make mistakes. The important thing, as cliche as it sounds, is to learn from them, which you are doing. *hugs*

    ReplyDelete
  8. Dude, come ON. Mistakes like these happen (...to EVERYONE) and you are neither a moron nor a loser for the fact that they happened. You know it, I know it -- we all know it. Don't be hard on yourself and, hey, how about you go treat yourself to something this weekend: JUST BECAUSE.

    ReplyDelete
  9. I want you to stop saying that you're not good at learning new things.
    I further want you to stop saying that you won't be able to master something.
    Both these statements are inaccurate and they reinforce that you are powerless, so knock it off.

    Forgiveness is nothing more than practice. It's not tricky, it just takes time.
    I predict that you'll master it eventually.

    ReplyDelete
  10. You are only human, friend. Mistakes do happen. We learn from them and move right along. I like Pretzel Thief comment (:

    ReplyDelete
  11. I know that feeling about mistakes too well. As you mentioned, you know exactly what to do about them. So try not to give yourself too hard of a time - I know it's easier said than done.

    ReplyDelete
  12. Oh dear, what's done is done, and you certainly DO ensure you learn from it, it's such a pity you have to beat yourself up so much before moving on from there. EVERYONE makes mistakes, you are far, far from alone - but you know this, right?

    ReplyDelete
  13. Oh lord. I made a HUGE twitter mistake a few months ago for work. And it got responded to before I could delete it. So I tried to be funny and do a follow up tweet - and I made another spelling mistake in that one too. I was HORRIFIED.

    I've made about another 10 social media related errors since then, but that's ok. That's the nature of it. It means that there is a person behind that keyboard and I think people appreciate that. Think about it - when you see someone else make an error on twitter do you think 'oh my god, that is so crap, I'm going to unfollow them and say horrible things about them to everyone I know' or do you just have a giggle or shrug your shoulders and move on?

    ReplyDelete
  14. Oh wow. You are way mui over reacting. Have you ever read "Don't sweat the small stuff (and it's all small stuff)"? Well, pretty much the book goes on for several chapters about exactly that. Very few things in life is so serious that we have to break down in tears or berate ourselves over them.

    I'm reading this book again, by the way - it's easier said than done! But it is good to keep in mind.

    Big hugs bella!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Oh goodness. I understand where you're coming from and I promise it will be okay. Forgiving ourselves and moving on is so important. It is what helps us grow. I don't think there's a magic solution and I hope we can all learn to be easier on ourselves.

    ReplyDelete
  16. Mistakes are meant to be learned from...give yourself s break:-)

    ReplyDelete
  17. Oh hon, mistakes happen. You just need to learn from them.

    Sending you a big hug.

    ReplyDelete
  18. Errors at work at the worst. A spelling error in a tweet won't kill you though ;) Have a great weekend!

    ReplyDelete
  19. Honestly, don't be so hard on yourself - we all make mistakes such as these. You are an awesome person - that's what counts! :)

    ReplyDelete
  20. I can't even tell you how many times I've made the same mistake twice, and I always beat myself up about it.. Glad to know I'm not the only one, but we should seriously work on being nicer to ourselveS!

    ReplyDelete
  21. Ah this made me smile reading this - no I'm not taking sadistic pleasure in your misery but last week I had a very similar experience at work - a little bit of a bigger mistake, but not earth shattering. All the same I spent most of the day in the loos crying because I felt so terrible - no one else actually seemed to mind so much but I was furious with myself. It's an awful feeling but hey - you live and you learn! x

    ReplyDelete
  22. Aw, don't beat yourself up about it. It happens to everyone.

    ReplyDelete