Tonight, Inspector Climate and I cooked dinner listening to our newly created (heavy on the Motown and Amelie) wedding play list. I danced wildly in the kitchen while he did the dishes - it's what we do. And then I was suddenly angrily stirring the curry.
Inspector Climate said "You have to stop being happy and dancing one minute and at the edge of tears the next"
I did the logical thing and cried. "Do you think I CHOOSE to be like this" I sobbed.
No, I don't choose to have highs and lows within 15 seconds of each other. However, it has become the norm around here. It's not pleasant, and ho boy, do I wish I could change it.
But what caused this particular nose dive to grumpyville? The word compromise.
I've been brought up thinking that compromising until both parties are satisfied is a great thing. Compromise has always been the aim.
Is there a dirtier word than compromise? Right now? To me? No.
What I didn't realise was how much compromise was involved in planning a wedding - and not with Inspector Climate (although there has been some, but he's you know marrying me so he should have some say, no?).
I know logically, that this is just one day. One day of many that I get to be with my guy. But it is probably the only day that my whole immediate family will be with his immediate family. It is probably the only day that we'll declare our love and adoration for each other in front of all the people who are nearest and dearest to us. But it's still just a day.
And in theory, I get it. I do.
But in practice...I had a vision on who would be there - I've compromised. On what we would eat, I've compromised. On what I'd wear - I've compromised. On what time the wedding would be - I've compromised. On what the wedding party would wear - I've compromised.
Even writing this, I realise how selfish I must sound. How silly it must be - Oh, that girl won't have the vegetarian gluten free wedding of her dreams...pour soul. And I am grateful - I'm so grateful that I'll be surrounded by people I love and I found him, ya'll! I found him.