Friday, August 03, 2012

Epiphany

Last night as I was writing the post about my conflict with buying a diamond for my wedding band, I started reading posts from a year ago about Jorge (the large endometrioma that I had surgical removed in February), my visa, and for the love of god fingerprints. And as I read those posts, I knew what my current writing has been missing.

I've always known that I write best about my feelings. Not my past feelings. Not my future feelings. But my feelings write this very second. I know I'll never write a memoir, because I can't write earnestly about my past feelings. And if there is one thing my writing is it's earnest.

I wrote this post last October about why my blog is a secret - but also why I write at all.  I write because that's how I process any problem. Feeling sick? I write about it. Feeling depressed? I write about it. Feeling angry? I write about it.

I'm like Harry in When Harry met Sally..."Harry, you're going to have to try and find a way of not expressing every feeling that you have, every moment that you have them." I have no way of dealing with these emotions unless I write about them as I'm emoting them.

But the problems arise when I can't write about that feeling the second I'm feeling it. And what's left here on this blog? Basically nothing.

My post about diamonds didn't have the heart that it would have if I had written during my decision making process.

So I'm going to do a couple of things to try to bring back my voice. I've connected email to my blog so that I can send posts straight to the blog - pretty awesome huh? Does any one else do this? Does it work? Help me, help you?

Do you have this problem? Do you have a groove in your writing - that makes it sound like you? And when you fall outta the groove, how do you get back in again?

9 comments:

  1. I've tried doing the post from email thing in the past (I intended to use it on my phone when I was in the US last year. But I caved on Day 2 and bought a netbook!!), but I use too many pictures for it to be successful.

    I think the more I write, the more I sound like me. I was looking at an old post for some reason last week, and it was Just. So. Bland. And then I worked out that it was from the days where I was blogging twice a week. So I think for me, the more I PRACTICE writing, the more my voice comes through??

    Or something...

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  2. Since I have been with Husband I find that I censor myself a lot. He censors me a lot, actually. Lately I have been trying to regain my blog voice Husband be damned! It's been an important part of my life for a very long time and I want to come back to that. He may not ever understand that, but that's okay!

    Getting a netbook for my birthday DEFINITELY helped.

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  3. I enjoyed this blog because I can relate totally. I learned that some of my most clear "feeling" is done right when I wake up in the morning. If I'm truly upset about something, the feeling lingers through my night sleep and persists in the morning, but I'm more cohesive because I've slept. If it wasn't that big a deal, I wake up normally. Same goes for happy--truly happy, wake up happy.

    My emotions have got to find a way out. I wish I didn't have to express these emotions--society would have me believe that I am weak for having them, but I've learned that bottling is the worst most destructive thing possible.

    Good luck to you.

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  4. I write about everything as well and unfortunately (or fortunately) my blog is my way to get everything out without annoying my friends to death. Luckily, there are some people out there who actually WANT to listen to my ramblings so that's a bonus. I get stuck in a rut often as well. I try and get a brainstorming groove and just start listing things that I write about or I think people would like to read about. I don't have the method down yet and I'm definitely not one of those bloggers who can plan a week's worth of posts ahead of time. But here's to trying and maybe someday getting there

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  5. I definitely enjoy my own writing the most (both writing and reading it) when I'm able to bring a touch of humor without getting ridiculous.

    I'm glad you've figured out what has been holding you back. Hopefully things will go better now that you know!

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  6. Such good timing D. I was thinking about this just this morning.

    I have been blogging mostly about my 101 which I am feeling is getting bland. When I try to think about what else I could blog about I come up with nothing. And why? Because, for the most part, I am feeling really satisfied with where life is at and for me my blog has been my space to try and make sense of things!

    At present, there is only one thing I am really trying to make sense of and I am not ready to go public with it. It relates to someone I suspect visits my blog and I am not wanting to interfere with the natural process of seeing how this thing evolves.

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  7. I constantly fall in and out of my groove with blogging. Luckily, I post more pictures now a days than anything so when I'm not feeling very inspired to write... I post pics :) haha

    I look forward to reading more here. And sometimes I write in a journal and then type it into a blog post later.

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  8. I don't know how the post from email thing works but maybe I will look into it. When I can't find the time to blog about something right away it seriously nags at me! I'm such a perfectionist that when I get "behind" on my blogging I get actual anxiety about it. I should probably focus more on my "real" life but blogging is such a great outlet. Unfortunately a lot of my followers are my "in real life" friends and family, so I have to filter a lot of what I post. Perhaps I should think about keeping a journal for the other stuff...

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  9. I did download, and do use, the WordPress app for blogging. It's pretty much the best thing about having a cell phone since I bought my first cell phone.

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