Wednesday, December 19, 2012

The Big Thing: Revealed? Uncovered? Blown wide open?

I've always thought the phrase "lost my job" is kind of odd, I mean where could it go?

Well, my job is lost.  They're restructuring my organisation next year and my job isn't part of it any more.

So that's The Big Thing.

A month ago, when I asked if they were renewing my contract they said "Yes! Of course" and last week that turned into "your position is no longer."

I'm really hurt.  While this job hasn't been perfection - what job is? - it is exactly what I want to be doing. I feel like I'm making difference, I feel like I'm a part of something big and important. And now it's all gone.

Not only that, but for the third year in a row I'm looking for work as the new year approaches and this makes me more devastated then I can communicate.  I'm so sick of job hunting. I'm exhausted.

I'm tired of being asked "how's the job hunt going" because honestly, being unemployed is heart breaking - the ups, the downs - the stress. I feel like no matter how kind hearted people are asking how it's going, what they're really doing is judging your inability to land that elusive job.

I keep thinking that I'm over it, that I've moved on and let go of the hurt of my lost job, but then I get angry all over again. Furious that I'm here again. Furious that I lost something that I was so grateful for, something that I loved - something that I sometimes took for granted. Furious for it all. Furious and embarrassed. Even though the loss of my job has nothing to do with my performance (so they say), I'm left feeling completely inadequate. Surely, if I was better - if I hadn't brought up the "work-life" balance debate so much, if I'd worked more weekends or gone to more social events would my job be found?

Yes, here I am in the aftermath of Big Thing. And the thing that scares me most, much like all Big Things, the aftermath will be far longer and hurtful and full of indescribable highs (THAT job interview) and the lowest of lows (I didn't get it!)...Yes, the aftermath will be mathier then the Thing itself.  And that doesn't even begin to cover the questions and fear I have over financial worries and concerns.

So that's it. That's the big thing. Was it what you expected?

47 comments:

  1. I'm sad for you. From your hints, this was kind of what I thought.

    Making positions redundant is pretty unlikely to be about you or your skills personally. Not that it's much comfort to you, but it doesn't sound like it's due to anything you did/are/know/said!

    Wish I could help in some way, but all I can offer is friendship... which you are welcome to as much of as you need.

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  2. Job hunting has to be one of the most frustrating exercises around. It always makes me feel as though I'm out of control and it's strange that the most random decisions you make can land you somewhere unexpected. I almost didn't apply for the job I got at the end of last year, for example.

    Good luck with the job hunt. I hope you find something fantastic soon.

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  3. I am sorry :( There are challenging times ahead, but also new opportunities, you have to remember that. I totally agree on the constant question-asking from friends and relatives. It made me depressed when I was job hunting. Then I took 1 course at school and could hide behind that I was studying (I really was job-hunting all the time). Then I got a job in a HR department and spent the next 10 years there recruiting people. So my advice: Volunteer while you are searching, that connects you to other people that might have something for you or know about someone who need an employee. Then they have seen your good work hands on. Send your CV to the HR manager or/and a recruiting officer of all exciting companies and then follow up with an e-mail/phone call 1-2 weeks later. And of course follow job adverts. Then it´s important to make the job-hunting not take over your day. Put a time on it and do something fun for the rest of the day. This is how I would do it. maybe you know it all and then it´s just a reminder! Hope you can use something of this. Maybe not now when you are sad and angry but later. Good luck girl!

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  4. I so sorry for you. Keeping my fingers crossed that something great will come your way soon:)

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  5. Oh no that is horrible :( I know exactly how you feel with the whole job hunting thing. My boyfriend 'lost' his job three years ago due to restructuring. It is total hell filling in hundreds of forms and going through all those interviews for nothing. And I get so angry when a company invites you for an interview and when you get there it is so obvious they ahve no intention of hiring you. It is soul destroying. As for people asking how it's going, most of them have no idea what the big bad world is like. They fell into their jobs after leaving school and think it's really easy to find something else. They all say 'what about the local supermarket?' like that is the obvious answer! They don't realise the local supermarkets can't help every unemployed person out there! I really feel for you and only hope that something brillaint comes along in 2013.

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  6. I wish all great things for you for 2013. I admit, job hunting is something I find frustrating, especially when they keep one's hopes up, promising the applicant to start next week, getting introduced to everyone and then changing their mind before contracts are drawn. That happened to me a few months ago and thought that maybe I'm meant to do something else. True enough, I won't be able to be with family now if I did get it. Sometimes, life has a weird & bitter humor and uncanny timing. You'll definitely come out strong and determined after this challenging period. All the best to finding THAT job that will make you happy, fulfilled and ecstatic.

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  7. That's what I thought it was, but I wish it was something else. I'm sorry that you have to put yourself out there again, after so much work trying to find this one.

    I feel certain, though, that whatever you find next will be even better than this one was. And you have to consider this: Now you have the experience from THAT job, and that will surely count towards the next.

    Big hugs darling. Email me if you need to!!!

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  8. I had a feeling that was it. :( The plus side (?) of this experience is you can milk those references for all they're worth! I was never able to do that when I was job hunting bc I was always secretively trying to leave my old job without letting on.

    I am here to tell you that elusive work-life balance DOES exist. There are jobs out there where you won't be expected to labor long into the night or on the weekend(?!) It exists. It's out there. And while the prospect of finding it is...dreadful, I think/ hope/know that this could end up being a really good thing for you. My sympathies, but also mazel tov. :)

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  9. I wondered for a few moments if this was the big thing but wasn't sure.

    Last year, after just one semester, I was told that my contract position was coming to a close early -- and it was a complete surprise. The director of the office was getting concerned about finances, but everyone else in the department was shocked, as there was no financial problem to keep me. Thankfully a couple of people went to bat for me and had me back on board in a couple of weeks, but I entered the holidays thinking I was jobless with quite a few significant bills to pay. It was heart breaking for me at the time, and I know this has caused you so much pain *HUG*.

    I work with college students who feel all of their friends are getting jobs except for them (not true) and so many struggle with the fact that in this economy, their search often continues well past graduation.

    I'll be thinking about you in the weeks to come! There's never a good time to lose a job, but losing one at this time of year usually makes it feel even worse. If I can put on my friend AND career counselor hat and be a sounding board for you, do not hesitate to email me -- maybe we can meet via Skype. *ANOTHERHUG*

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  10. ugh I am so sorry to hear this! job hunting really is the worst, it's like a bad relationship. I hope something great comes your way in the new year!

    - Val @ KnotTiedDown.com

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  11. Oh dear...I was in your shoes 2 years ago and it really can feel like your whole world is crashing down on you. I hate that employers give people a false sense of security and then drop the ball. My last company recommended me to get my condo w/ a mortgage and then less than 6 months later they told us they were pulling the plug AND they knew it was a 99% possibility they were closing when they gave me that false security. I wish I could give you some magical words of advice but I cant. All I can say is to take a few days or weeks and just chill out, calm your nerves, and pick yourself back up. It's going to be okay. In the spring there will be job fairs at colleges, there are job agencies, and if you choose to email a post on career builder and monster, follow-up with another email or phone call within a week's time so you are not hanging. Hang in there Deirdre! It will be okay! *BIG HUGS*

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  12. I am so sorry! Job hunting is such a stressful and frustrating experience, and I just hate when people ask you about it. I just want to scream "I will tell you when there is something good happening!" I'm sorry you are having to go through all of this.

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  13. Oh Deidre, I'm so sorry. I know from experience how difficult it is to lose your job . . . and not to take it personally. But we are always harder on ourselves. So I hope you'll be able to focus on the beauty of the holidays. Regroup. And I'll be here praying for greater things ahead!

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  14. I hadn't really formulated any ideas as to what it might be but I am glad to hear it's not a big health/medical-type thing! Not that losing one's job isn't bad but there are thankfully no hospitals or surgeries involved in this news and perhaps I was worried there would be.

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  15. From what you had said in your earlier posts, I had a feeling this was the "thing". I'm sorry. Job hunting sucks. It's frustrating and can be so discouraging. But, the bright side is... with the new year, comes new beginnings, and that's something to give you hope. :)

    xo, Yi-chia
    Always Maylee

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  16. I am so sorry about your job. I can relate as I had been laid off twice in my short career (and within less than a year from each time) and it's never easy. Best of luck to you in your search!

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  17. Yes, it is what I expected but couldn't figure out why you couldn't talk about it on the blog. Don't worry - something great will fall in your lap! I'm positive!

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  18. I'm in the same boat as you. This is the third job I've been laid off from and month five of being on unemployment. I don't have much to say other than I know what you're going through. : /

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  19. Oh yeah, and I recently blogged about my thoughts on being unemployed. I'm sure you can relate.

    http://thingsiliketoeatandothernonsense.blogspot.com/2012/12/what-ive-learned-from-being-unemployed.html

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  20. I hadn't guessed this yet, but I'm so sorry to hear it. I can't relate entirely, but as someone who is employed as an independent contractor, I definitely know the frustration of trying to find and secure the next thing.

    I hope you never lose your healthy work-life balance perspective. It's one of your many fabulous qualities. I know this will be a tough time and nothing makes that go away, but I also know you are fabulous, strong, and engaging, and anyone who doesn't jump on the opportunity to hire you will be missing out!

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  21. My job is on it's 3rd round of layoff so I know how you feel. Things will work out in the end, and if they haven't worked out then it's not the end. All is well :)

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  22. Oh hun I am so sad for you! I don't know what I was expecting, but it wasn't this. :-( I wish I knew what to say but I'm sure you've probably heard it all already. In any case, I am sending postive thoughts and a big hug your way!

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  23. You and me in the same boat hun... I feel a sense of dejavu coming on. Yeah, I told you this before. I wish for once we could both be on similar paths to happiness... not this.

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  24. I was way off on what the "thing" was but that doesn't make this suck any less. Dude. There's no other way to say it than - that blows. I'm really sorry you're finding yourself here again. I don't have many words of encouragement either because they're all really cliche & I know you've heard them already. I've probably already said this but I find most situations warrant some wise words from Dory:

    "Just keep swimming"

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  25. Aw I am so sorry you lost your job. I lost a job due to restructuring once but I was lucky enough to be able to keep working there in a different position even if it did mean a severe pay and hours cut. :(

    Since I'm a new follower, I'm not sure what field or industry you are in. Is there a way you can volunteer or intern in your field while you're looking for work?

    Good luck with the job hunt. I really hope you can find something amazing soon.

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  26. Hugs. God does not give anyone a cross they cannot bear. <3

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  27. Job hunting is the uber-suck. And as I've said via email, I feel your pain. Here's hoping you don't have to job hunt for long. And if you do? At least we can schedule mid-week Dessert Days to cheer ourselves up! <3

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  28. Oh damn, I had a hunch this might be it. I will keep an eye out for you and am happy to provide distraction when required.

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  29. I'm so sorry, babe. Sorry you lost your job and sorry that you're hurting. It sucks big time. :-(

    Hoping that it's not long before you've landed an even more kickass job that you love. I have faith it will happen sooner rather than later. And please don't beat yourself up if there are times it's taking longer than you'd like -- it's no reflection on your smart self!

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  30. Ug, big changes are hard! I hope you find a dream job soon!

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  31. I am really sorry to hear that you have lost your job. I know a few people here in Brisbane that are going through the same thing and it is not the way you want to start your New Year thats for sure.
    I will try and say though that maybe, just maybe this next opportunity that will surely come your way will be exactly what you were waited for and this whole situation could be worth it.
    Kayleigh http://thewayiwanderlust.blogspot.com.au

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  32. Oh, I feel for you. I was unemployed for a while and know how hard it can be. Hang in there. Things have a way of working out.

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  33. I am so sorry!! I thought for a moment that this might be it but I hoped it wasn't since you've gone though this before. It doesn't seem fair. Know that you are amazing and wonderful and that you WILL find something else!

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  34. I'm sorry. It does hurt, and I have no words that can really help, except to keep your chin up. And use your blog as you need to.

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  35. Aw, I wondered if The Big Thing was to do with your job. I'm sorry to hear it.

    Job hunting is almost a job in itself. Having to start over again is tiring too. Learning the ropes, meeting lots of new people, making friends, fitting in.

    I've had three jobs in the last two years and I'm contemplating looking for a new one, but I don't know if I can face starting over.

    I hope you find another niche to settle into again soon.

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  36. Deidre, that really is a Big Thing. I am currently transitioning jobs and in the middle of the recruiting process so I know what you mean about the highs and the lows. If you ever want to talk about it, please please email me (ruthsy at gmail dot com). I am on the rollercoaster ride and sometimes it really sucks and sometimes it's awesome.

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  37. I had a feeling this was it. I'm sorry to hear that you are losing your job because of cuts. I don't think it means anything negative about you because you are unemployed. There's TONS of people who are great people out there looking for a job and it's no reflection on their personality or creative thinking. Its a tough economy!

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  38. Job hunting does suck - but it's going to be okay! I'm sure you will make it through and find something good - the good part is that your position was eliminated - not you. Remember that - that's a big deal and a lot better!

    <3 katherine
    of corgis and cocktails // fox tote giveaway

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  39. Ugh, no good :( I'm very sorry to hear about this. I'm job hunting too, and it's no fun. Everyone has pretty much said what I would say - don't get down on yourself because you weren't fired from doing a bad job...you were a victim in a restructuring disaster, and while it's not fair, it's how most jobs work these days, unfortunately. You will get through this, and you will find something else. Stay positive and happy holidays :)

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  40. im so sorry. this is a horrible thing to happen. but you will get through it and i am sure you will get a wonderful new job. you can do it, keep battling. with love xxxx

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  41. Ugh...that's really tough. I'm sorry you got such bad news (and so out of the blue, it seems). I hope you are able to enjoy the holidays and figure out your next step. Thinking of you!

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  42. I was definitely not expecting this. I am sorry you are going through this. Just look at this as an opportunity to do something else that you love. I know it will be hard, but you are strong. You can do it!

    You are in my thoughts!

    XO Lourdes

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  43. I was fired from a job a few years ago and I remember it was like a bad breakup. I kept wondering why and what I could have done for things to be different. I went home and sobbed.

    Just remember it's not you. Companies do this kind of thing for so many reasons but it's not personal. You're pretty much awesome.

    And I'm sorry. You're in my thoughts hon.

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  44. Job hunting is probably one of the most challenging and frustrating thing I went through. I was depressed for a while before I decided to pack my bags and do some traveling. From my travels, I learnt that sometimes life works in mysterious ways. Bringing your hopes up and destroys it in seconds. And yet it shows you different pathways you never would have gone on before. If I hadn't gone overseas, I wouldn't have had the best time of my life and came home to find a job in a place I least expected.
    You will find something amazing in 2013. It will be ok. Wishing you all the best and much love.

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  45. It WASN'T what I expected, but I'm glad it wasn't something nasty and personal, like a betrayal by a friend.

    I promise not to ask you how the job hunt is going.

    Kisses.

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  46. That sucks. I hate job hunting and I would never ever be so cruel as to ask someone how the job hunt is going. I was out of work for a year and a half, then found a job which I quit because my boss was the creepiest and then finally found a new good job right before I used up my very last month of rent money in my savings. I hope that you find a new job quickly and painlessly.

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