Tuesday, January 22, 2013

Stop The Press, Ellen's coming to Australia.

Oh, Friends. I need your help! Remember when a little over a year ago, I wrote a letter to Ellen (Degeneres, but please that went without saying) asking her to officiate my wedding. Well, she was busy. Or something. Look, she honestly never even got back to me. Ouch. I know. But she's a very busy lady. So I'll forgive her.

But here's the thing. Ellen's coming to Australia in March or April to do a couple of shows and I'd LOVE to be apart of that audience. So I was hoping you could help me out and maybe tweet this post at Ellen? You can even use this little button here:

Dear Ellen,

Hi! So, here's the truth. I'm probably not your biggest fan. Ever. In. This. World. But nonetheless I'm a fan.

I could tell you that I recently lost my job at a place that I loved where I made an impact on climate change policy in Australia and how my husband and I are living off his PhD scholarship. But I'm not here for the sob story. Because there is no sob story. We're very lucky. We happily live within our means with everything that we need and want - except a puppy.

No I can't offer you a sob story. What I can offer you is some sound advice about visiting Australia as an American. You see, I'm an American and this is the start of my sixth year living in Australia.

Like you - I met an Australian who I fell in love with. And I decided to stay here because I fell in love with Australia too - and I want you to fall in love with this very amazing country.

But first there are a few things you're going to want to know about.

1. If you order an Iced Coffee you're going to be surprised when instead of coffee with ice in it you get a coffee with milk, and ice cream and a drizzling of chocolate. Delicious? Of course! But also unexpected.

2. Light beer doesn't mean it has less calories, it means it has less alcohol.

3. The saying "Spit the dummy" has nothing to do with mannequins.  I know.

4. They might say "your accent sounds like the tv" which in your case, Ellen, makes a bit more sense since you're actually ON tv.

5. You will have to declare what footy team you support upon landing in Melbourne. And I'd recommend not saying "I root for them" because well, that means something different here.

6. Wearing thongs at the beach isn't as offensive as it sounds.

7. Jelly is Jello here. Peanut Butter and Jelly just isn't a thing.

8. 'Tea' is probably the most confusing word in Australian English. If someone asks "What are you having for tea?" This answer is not "herbal" the answer is whatever you're having for dinner. Also they have breaks for Morning Tea and Afternoon Tea. During this time it is customary to nibble on some biscuits (which are not what you'd call a biscuit but really a cookie) and have a cuppa (which does actually refer to tea or coffee).

Ellen, I'd love to come to the taping of your show while you're in Australia - it would seriously be a dream come true!

Yours Truly



  1. Oh, I was just about to tweet your post then remembered my twitter account is private. Perhaps I could make it public, send the tweet, then go private again...?

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  3. Oh geez . . . I don't even have a Twitter account. I'm a horrible friend. I'll have to ponder a remedy . . .

    And the last one! Eating ALL the time is one of the things I recall most about my trip to Australia. :)

  4. I tweeted this for you, I really hope you make it on to the show!

    - Val @ KnotTiedDown.com

  5. How could she say no with these wonderful, helpful tips? I think you should write another blog post elaborating on some of these. Mystifying! (What does root for mean?)

  6. Awesome - I hope you do get to go to her taping. And great hints btw

  7. Ok, I tweeted you out. Good luck!

    And your version of iced coffee? I could live with that.


  8. Tweeted! Wouldn't it be cool if I could tell people that a person I kind of a little know from the Interntet might see an Ellen show? Okay, that doesn't sound as impressive as I was going for, but YAY.

  9. I really hope she does it!! I shall tweet it as well :)

  10. I would absolutely, positively fake a dozen faux pas in my first 30 minutes of being in Australia! It seems like we might as well all being speaking different languages.

    I hope you get to go to an Ellen taping! Her show always seems really, really fun.

  11. You are too cute! And why would she not officiate your wedding? They did that in UT with Carrie Underwood.....but that's not as classy :)

    When Mine Became Ours

  12. Done! I hope you get an invite!

  13. Yet another reason I NEED to get to Australia: your iced coffee.

    I don't have Twitter so I can't tweet Ellen, but I really hope you get tickets to her show. I LOVE her and would do anything for tickets. Ellen is my most favourite famous person, ever.

  14. I don't have twitter but I hope you find a way to be a part of her audience when she's here!

  15. I don't use Twitter or really understand how it works, but I wish you the best of luck... I adore Ellen!

  16. I have tweeted Deirdre- fingers crossed!

  17. OH I adore Ellen too! I wish you all the luck in the world! I hope you get to see one of her shows!

  18. I totally tweeted for you! Good luck. Very interesting facts about Australia. My husband has been there. I haven't but would love to.

  19. Tweeted!! I hope she contacts you!! =)

  20. I don't have twitter, so I can't help you out but I still hope you get to see her show live in Australia! It's a brilliant post, and I wouldn't mind you elaborating on some of these points, it's always fun to hear about things that are "strange" from a foreigners point of view.

  21. i freaking love this. (and you.)