I just wanted to thank you (as you, loyal readers of Decoybetty) for sending Ellen tweets regarding my post that she's coming to Australia - and if you feel like doing so again:
Some of you said in the comments that I should elaborate a bit more...And I apologise if I wasn't clear on any of the points. So I thought I'd just do a follow up letter (Or beat this joke into the ground? Either one people).
It's me again. I just don't want you to think that I told every single thing you needed to know about Australia in that previous letter. Oh no siree bob. Also, I'm not above begging...please invite me to watch your show while you're in Melbourne? Or Sydney? I'm not fussy.
Here are a few more things you should probably know about before you land on Australian soil.
A. Don't be alarmed if you think you here some one say "That boy in that water" and they point out to sea at a great distance. For they mean Buoy. It is confusing and can be quite alarming when they (Australians that is) don't seem nearly as panicked as they should be about the boy bobbing by his lonesome out in the middle of the ocean.
B. This road sign is a thing.
B. When Australians cut a birthday cake, if the knife touches the bottom of the cake you have to kiss the nearest person of the opposite sex. Which basically means you always have to kiss someone of the opposite sex because how do you NOT touch the bottom of the cake? It's a knife and you're making a slice - what are you going to do only cut 3/4 of the way down? The other traditional 'you must kiss someone if you're cutting birthday cake' is if you cut the cake and the knife comes out dirty THEN you must kiss someone. I have questions. So many questions.
C. Apparently some Australians when trying to feed eggs to their kids call them googy eggs. I just don't know.
D. To root means to fuck - Sorry, there is just no way to make that PG. It's a common mistake. I'd recommend saying that you "barrack" for a team instead of "root for them" Just saying.
E. Grilled Cheese is an open faced sandwich that one puts under the grill (which at least in my family, we called the broiler?) in the oven. A toasted sandwich is what we'd call a grilled cheese. I know you're a vegan, but it has caused me some confusion in my time.
F. Fanny in Australia is not the behind but the front. If you catch my drift. Although honestly, Ellen, this shouldn't really come up.