Monday, February 18, 2013

Just a small bit of knowledge can be quite emotive

I received an email today from a high school friend about another high school friend who I shall Silver (not his real name). Apparently, Silver will spend the rest of his life in prison because he killed someone.

I don't really know why I'm sharing this, it seems like a life time ago that I even knew Silver. We were in year 9 together, and we friends because of another girl. But we were pretty close. We confided in each other sometimes - he teased me a lot, not in a mean way but in a flirting way. I'm in shock. It's hard for me to believe that someone I knew when I was in high school would be spending their life in prison.  When I think back to Silver, and I think about where I thought he'd be, I imagined him being the one shot and killed - which isn't nice either I suppose. As I said, I'm not sure why I feel compelled to share this with you. All I know is I have some feelings...and this is where I come to talk about feelings.

May will be my 10 year high school reunion and you couldn't pay me to attend. Not because I didn't like high school or the people I went to school with, but first of all, I live in Australia and second of all, the person I would want to reunite with most was a year below me and thus wouldn't be attending. Anne.

Anne and I met in the bathroom. Ok, we didn't really meet in the bathroom, but we became friends in the bathroom. We had to change in the bathroom every day for sports and it became our time to unwind. Of course we eventually took our friendship out of the bathroom, because you know it's a bathroom, we experimented with hair dye, we stacked wood for my dad, we watched Dawson's Creek, we underbaked brownies, and we made stellar macaroni and cheese.

I think of who I was then. Suffering from depression but just thinking that was how everyone was and so driven. I thought anything below a 98% was failing. I spent every waking moment studying and reading and writing essays. I wonder if I used up all my drive in those 4 years and have none left. I certainly can't find that motivation any more.

10 years.

Where were you 10 years ago?

35 comments:

  1. I had a similar thing happen - a boy a year below me at school fatally stabbed his cousin, but if you'd asked me back then to predict who would end up in jail, I probably would have said one - or both - of them. I wasn't close to either of them though.


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  2. Wow. I can understand how it's quite a shock.

    Ten years ago, I was starting my second year at university. I was living in college, and breaking up with my first 'proper' boyfriend (whatever that means). I had a good summer job, and a few classes to repeat because I failed them due to glandular fever...

    I was loving that I'd spent a year NOT living in the horrible country town where I grew up!

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  3. That's a lot to take in. I think it's weird enough when I see old high school friends and acquaintances having kids (thanks, Facebook), and it would certainly be really weird and unsettling to learn that one of them killed someone...

    10 years ago, I was in my second year of university. Life was fun and the only stress I had was finishing essays by the due date. I often think back to those 4 years I spent at uni and miss them so much my heart aches.

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  4. Wow definitelyl something shocking to take in. It's amazing what 10 years can change.

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  5. My 20 year reunion is this year! I also won't be going because, well, I'm also living on a different continent. A classmate of mine (and a somehow cousin...her grandmother and my grandmoter are sisters) committed suicide a couple weeks ago. So strange to think about. Do you find that things that happen so far away don't really feel real?

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  6. Ah I have the same feelings. My high school / college years I was just so on top of my shit. And I know now that it's almost exclusively because of my anxiety not allowing anything less than perfection, but when I look back then and then when I look at what I'm doing now, I feel like maybe I am letting myself down, or letting down the others who always believed I'd be more driven and be further in life right now.

    Wow. Monday morning vent sesh. Clearly you've struck a chord.

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  7. It's crazy to think about people you knew in high school and where their lives have taken them now. When you hear about tragedies and stories such as this, it is definitely shocking!

    xo, Yi-chiaAlways Maylee

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  8. Wow...that would disturb me too. I have a love/hate relationship with finding out what happened to the people in high school. Babies, marriage, divorce is common...but when I hear about death and jail time, and who is in jail for raping or having a restraining order against someone really is sobering and crazy.

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  9. Oh lord, this comes on the same day I happened to find some info out about my high school and college best friend. I'm kind of having a "living in the past" moment.

    How shocking to find this out, and sad too.

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  10. I can definitely understand how this bit of news would be emotive. Wow.

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  11. Finding out such news about a friend, even though he was sort of ex-friend, that can be a real shock and it's understandable that you want to share that...
    And ten years ago.. Oh, I wasn't really a person I wanted to be. I am glad those years are over.

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  12. Wow! That's crazy! It's amazing what people are capable of doing and how people can change.

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  13. I still can't believe it.

    I also can't believe that we met each other only 13 years ago, it seems like I've known your my whole life!

    LOVA YOU!

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  14. Gosh, I was a whole other person 10 years ago. So much has changed, and at the same time, nothing really. I too suffered from depression and had very high expectations from myself.

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  15. Oh wow. It is hard to realize where people you were once close to ended up. I wouldn't want to go to my high school reunion either, they seem too petty

    <3 katherine / of corgis & cocktails

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  16. Hey, I just found you through moosenoose and thought I'd say hi...well, what a post to begin on! Certainly some weird news to get your head round, I suppose none of us thinks about people ending up in that sort of situation. As for spending school depressed and making friends in the bathroom...I like you already :)

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  17. Wow, what a post. So sad about your classmate. It's amazing how life can change, for the good and the bad, in just 10 years.

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  19. Wow, it's so surreal to learn about someone we know so well in trouble and in that type of situation.
    I skipped our batch's high school reunion last December thinking that it would be too awkward not having seen them for the last 15 years or so and decided to spend that time traveling somewhere else. It's also weird (in a good way) to know someone we used to sing and joke with in the hallways back in high school, being chased by people now asking for photographs and authographs. (sorry for deleting the comment earlier)

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  20. Isn't it crazy when you find out what happened to kids you went to school with?

    And ten years really doesn't seem like that long ago-until you think about it. Ten years go I was working for a family Foundation--I figured I would be there forever. Right about this time is when I found out my boss would be leaving to travel the world. The woman who took her place? Well, let's just say it went downhill from there . . . :)

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  21. Oh, dude. I always think that I'm just riding on the coattails of my high school work ethic. But it was easier to work then, there was nothing else! Where else would you derive your sense of self worth?!

    I had a flickering thought that I've just lost. Something about being in jail. And youth. And high school. But it's gone now :(

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  22. Wow, That would be a lot to process, Ten years ago, I was a junior in college and had just started dating my now husband. Hard to believe how far we've come!

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  23. Let's see... 10 years ago I think I was in my junior year of college... crazy! I did go to my high school reunion but in hindsight I could have skipped it. I'm still close with a few people from back then and really they are the only ones who matter to me. Sorry to hear the news about your old friend. That would be shocking to find out and it would really bother me, too.

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  24. That's really shocking I understand your feeling...Can you believe I don't remember what I was doing ten years ago, probably at university and going out with friends on Saturday night.
    Wow life happens really fast.
    Xxxx

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  25. Oh, that is quite shocking indeed.
    I don't know anyone who killed somebody else, but sometimes there were those tragedies in the village that people I knew or knew from word of mouth or even only knew they live here just died, like people who are my age, and thus far away from supposed to be dying.. and it always scares me.
    And takes me emotionally.

    Hope you can somehow detach from this and stay positive.

    Love,
    Svenja

    Happybluebird

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  26. It affects you when something shocking happens to someone you know. It doesn't seem believable.
    The best of friends, I find, are made in bathrooms and kitchens.

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  27. Holy crap, I imagine that would be horribly shocking news to receive!

    I did not attend my 10 year reunion either. I was just not a fan, at all.

    10 years ago I was a sophomore in college! Holy crap (again...).

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  29. I think when we hear shocking news about people we knew in another lifetime it always has a way of rocking our worlds.

    Ten years ago I was mothering a toddler and an infant, I was tired! (and quite boring) lol

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  30. that must be shoking for you! i can't imagine something like that happening to someone i know... and ten years ago i was in high school, i was some sort of a weird nerd but i had good times i made great friends and well i had bad times as well but who hadnt! i hope that you're feeling better... :)

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  32. uh! im so sorry to hear about your friend.life must be hard for him.

    10 years ago? i was with high school friends and classmate. we're so close bt that does not mean i would choose highschool than today. id suggest that we live the best way we can for each and single day. that way we don't have to look back with loneliness

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  33. I know I'm about a week late to the party but I just wanted to jump in and say damn...I'm glad I'm not the only one. I agree with you & with 'Kim' who commented...I feel like I was so much more inspired & on top of my game in college. Now I feel like I'm just getting by day-to-day. My life didn't pan out into those visions of grandeur I had 10 years ago. *sigh* I'm hoping my stint in therapy is going to help me figure out why....

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  34. Oh my goodness, the bottom of this post, it's like you were describing me! High school ended six years ago from me but I still feel burned out from it, like I used up every ounce of motivation I'm ever going to have then and there's none left.
    I'm sorry to hear about silver. Crimes like that awful for the victim and the person who committed the crime, and then all those around them effected by it. A boy I went to primary school with recently spent three years in prison for King hitting someone and leaving him unconscious in the gutter.. I didn't know this boy so well but he had been friends with my brothers and I can still picture him in his navy shorts and polo shirts playing four square and I just can't marry that image up with the man he grew up to be.

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