Monday, February 04, 2013

When Monday means watching Scrubs all day.

And many of you might be thinking - Man, I'd love to spend Monday watching scrubs all day. And let me tell you. It was joyous. I highly recommend it.

What I don't recommend is doing it because you're scared.

Because I'm scared.

Some of you might remember the post I wrote a year and a half ago when I was first diagnosed with cysts in my ovaries. You can read it here. Yesterday, I mentioned in passing that the pain was back.

Like that first time, it happened completely without warning. I'd walked to yoga. Feeling fine. Exalted that I didn't have to go to work on Monday. I walked up the stairs, greeted my yoga teacher. She asked "how are you?"

I replied "I'm great" and almost if on cue it started. At first just a small clenching of the, ahem, nether regions. Some pain under my right hernia scar - like stabbing from the inside out - and then full blown tensing of every muscle in my abdomen. I wriggled on my mat trying to find a position where I didn't look like I was in agony. Failing, I went and sat on the floor of the bathroom in my yoga class wondering what the hell I should do. Try to explain the pain to someone? Sit there and cry? Rock back and forth and cry? The latter is the option I took. When the pain settled down a bit, I hobbled hunched over my stomach unable to straighten out complete back to my mat.

So yeah, I'm scared. I'm scared that while the acupuncture was working so incredibly well for a while and has drastically improved my anger and my inability to control my emotions, I'm scared it's not working as well as I'd hoped.

I'm scared that I'm going to have to have surgery again. And I'm scared that I'll never feel safe leaving the house again because what if this happens again. When I'm on the train? In the movie theatre? Walking down the street by my self?

And I'm angry at Jorgita. So angry. I want to spend the next few weeks applying for jobs like it is my job. Not curled up in my bed, tired, sad, and scared.

So, I'll do the only thing I can do. Keep doing my acupuncture. And keep hoping that this was just a one off thing - because Jorgita, yeah, I'm talking to you. You don't serve me anymore. Do you hear me, now? We're done.

We're not done.

We're done.

22 comments:

  1. Yikes! Dat is niet goed :( Sending you healing vibes!

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  2. Outchhh. I know how you feel. (At least I think so.)
    Wishing you all the best from over here. Get well soon!!!

    Svenjaxx

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  3. You poor thing...I can't even imagine how scary and uncomfortable dealing with this must be for you. Do you think the cyst(s) can be aggravated by stress? You've been under a lot of stress these past few weeks, and I'm wondering if there is a connection with your sudden flare ups of pain. Don't suffer any more than you have to - get to the doctor and get this figured out, even if it means more surgery. You can't live in pain and hide at home in case you get another spell.

    Thinking of you and sending healing vibes.

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  4. I was so happy for you when I read the title of this post thinking you've clearly had one of the best Monday's ever but now I am worried for you, I honestly hope today's pain was a one off!!

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  5. I got all excited about your title and now i'm nervous. Did you end up going to see the doctor? I hope you are well and feeling much better. Have you considered if it might be flaring up due to stress like Crystal mentioned? I know my ulcer flares up when i am under stress and it hurts like hell

    xo Stephanie

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  6. Oh dear, I'm so sorry. And really, all I can say is I'm glad you had Scrubs . . . and I'll be sending prayers your way!

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  7. I'm sorry that you're not feeling well. Thoughts with you and hoping that you are back to normal soon. Hope the acupuncture works and that you see your doctor to get to the bottom of it! Take care.

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  8. Oh that sucks so bad! I'm so sorry that this snuck back up on you. I hope sincerely that this was just a one-off and it doesn't happen again. Sending good vibes your way :)

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  9. I knew from your title that something bad must have been wrong. The Scrubs thing gave it away. I hope that this can be rectified for you - pain is obviously never a good thing. And your pain sounds excruciating. Sending love and good thoughts your direction.

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  10. Oh dear...I had fibroids in my breasts a while back and I'm sure you know the fear it entails. I had the 2 surgeries to remove them but I'm terrified every time i have a pain that they are back. Go to the doctor. I know it's scary, I lived thinking I had breast cancer for 5 years but out of fear I didn't tell my doctor about the lumps. Go to the doctor because maybe it's gas or your time of the month, not new cysts. Let us know if your okay!!! *HUGS*

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  11. Oh hon, I'm so sorry to hear this. I am sending good thoughts and a hug your way!

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  12. *hugs* Oh hon I am so sorry, I can't even imagine. Please please go to a doctor. I know it's scary but I promise not knowing is scarier.

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  13. =( I am so sorry hun! You will be in my prayers.

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  14. Sweetheart, I am so sorry:( You have gone through so much and this is the last thing you deserve. Watch as much Scrubs as you want :)

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  15. I dunno if you get one offs with Jorge. I wish you could kick it to the curb..somehow. I wish you had a support group of some kind to go too, but I know that's asking a lot.

    If I could recommend a TV series..it would be The Book Group. However..there were only 12 episodes.

    Hope you'll be ready for the next attack.

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  16. Ugh...I'm so sorry. That really sucks! Thinking of you and wishing there was something I could do.

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  17. I know the pains you're talking about. They've left me hunched over the toilet many a times with pain so bad all of the hairs on my arms would stand straight up.

    Have you talked to your doctor about trying Lupron? (That's what it's called here in the states, not sure about in Australia.) It's a shot that your doctor administers once a month for three months. It basically puts your body into a fake menopause for the time being, which in turn makes the endo adhesions shrink.

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  18. I can't imagine the pain. I hope the acupuncture continues to work. What about that awful tea you were drinking? What about hypnosis/self-hypnosis. I'm learning about self-hypnosis so that I can have a medication-free birth. I'm hoping it works, but I won't know until it actually happens.

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  19. Reading this evokes so much emotion. I am so sorry that you have to go through this.

    You are so strong and I admire you for it!

    Remember I am here!

    XO Lourdes

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  20. i wish you better, hope the pain goes away xxx

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  21. Damn Jorgita - I agree with Crystal and refuse to believe that this is going to be an ongoing issue for you but is just related to the worry you have had about the work situation.

    Surely Zach Braff helped a whole lot? Even if you are fully aware that you can't ever marry him because I will be marrying him. I'll let you spend time with him though.

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  22. Yeesh - I hope that the acupuncture continues to work for you and that Jorgita is gone for good

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