What I don't recommend is doing it because you're scared.
Because I'm scared.
Some of you might remember the post I wrote a year and a half ago when I was first diagnosed with cysts in my ovaries. You can read it here. Yesterday, I mentioned in passing that the pain was back.
Like that first time, it happened completely without warning. I'd walked to yoga. Feeling fine. Exalted that I didn't have to go to work on Monday. I walked up the stairs, greeted my yoga teacher. She asked "how are you?"
I replied "I'm great" and almost if on cue it started. At first just a small clenching of the, ahem, nether regions. Some pain under my right hernia scar - like stabbing from the inside out - and then full blown tensing of every muscle in my abdomen. I wriggled on my mat trying to find a position where I didn't look like I was in agony. Failing, I went and sat on the floor of the bathroom in my yoga class wondering what the hell I should do. Try to explain the pain to someone? Sit there and cry? Rock back and forth and cry? The latter is the option I took. When the pain settled down a bit, I hobbled hunched over my stomach unable to straighten out complete back to my mat.
So yeah, I'm scared. I'm scared that while the acupuncture was working so incredibly well for a while and has drastically improved my anger and my inability to control my emotions, I'm scared it's not working as well as I'd hoped.
I'm scared that I'm going to have to have surgery again. And I'm scared that I'll never feel safe leaving the house again because what if this happens again. When I'm on the train? In the movie theatre? Walking down the street by my self?
And I'm angry at Jorgita. So angry. I want to spend the next few weeks applying for jobs like it is my job. Not curled up in my bed, tired, sad, and scared.
So, I'll do the only thing I can do. Keep doing my acupuncture. And keep hoping that this was just a one off thing - because Jorgita, yeah, I'm talking to you. You don't serve me anymore. Do you hear me, now? We're done.