So...I still haven't received my invite from Ellen. I've emailed. I've tweeted. You've tweeted (thank you by the way), and I've blogged (here and here).
Am I hurt? Of course I am. I mean I thought she and I had something. Something real. Something...words can't describe it.
But, I know she is about to be arriving in Australia sometime. Today? Tomorrow? (How should I know? She didn't invite me to her show, it's not like I STALK her or anything.) And there are some things that I just don't want her to be surprised about when she gets here. Things I didn't mention in my previous posts. Things of a strictly bathroom like nature.
Now, let me preface this by saying I haven't been into every bathroom in Australia - public or private. And also, that I love Australia...it's why I call it home now. These comments are given with love.
First of all, Australians will say that they have to go to the toilet not the bathroom. Nothing too odd there.
Secondly, in the homes I have frequented there are often separate rooms for the toilet and the shower - now this in and of itself isn't that odd, a half bath if you will, but the half baths I'm used to frequenting in the US have sinks in them. The ones that I visit here in Australia...do not.
I'm not normally a germaphobe, but the idea that I'd use the facilities NOT wash my hands, touch a few door handles and then finally wash my hands gives me the heebie jeebies.
Thirdly, these toilets with no sinks also tend not to have trash receptacles in them, again I'm speaking of homes primarily here. This also kind of disturbs me because once a month I use the bathroom and generate some waste of the non-bio matter kind if you catch my drift...(and if you don't catch my drift I'm speaking of tampons, their wrappers and other womanly sanitary items, I'M SORRY. It had to be said).
Fourth(ly), sadly when you flush the toilet you won't really be able to notice that the water swirls the other way. I know. I know. But that's because the toilets seem to flush more up than around. Anyway, there isn't a lot of swirling. However, one can fill up the sink to see the water swirl in the other direction.
Fifth(ly), Australian toilets are equipped with a half flush and a full flush function which is absolutely brilliant and we should be implementing in America. They also never seem to get clogged and I've never seen a bathroom that has a plunger near by for toilet emergences (except for our bathroom, but we use the plunger for our clogged shower, never the toilet. If you most know, Nosy Nelly).
Have I imparted every single thing that you, Ellen, need to know before you step foot on to this country's shores. Of course not. But I think we've covered the main points. Enjoy your stay in Australia Ellen.