Monday, May 20, 2013

I like to think of it as the brave choice.

So...remember when a few weeks ago I was feeling super anxious about a job interview? To recap, the job was only for four months, it was a 24/7 commitment where I'd be working full time + nights and weekends. And I'd have to cancel my trip home to see my family, which has recently gotten more important to me as my grandfather is likely to pass away within the next 2-3 weeks.

A week and a half went by before they contacted me and then they offered me the job. OFFERED ME THE JOB. I may be wrong, but I think upon being offered a job the first reaction shouldn't be sobbing. I cried all of Saturday afternoon.

Who am I to turn down work when offers aren't flooding in? Who am I to say no to something that will beef up my resume and be great experience? Who am I?

Inspector Climate and I talked about it for hours. We made pros and cons lists, we agonised over whether the state of my mental health could handle such stress, we asked ourselves if we'd be ok postponing the trip home. I asked myself if I thought I'd regret missing this opportunity - you know what they say "you can only regret what you don't do." We asked if how I'd feel if August comes along and I'm still not employed. We obsessed.

But in the end, we decided that no, my mental health couldn't handle that much stress and no, I would be devastated if I missed my trip home, and that no, I would not accept this job.

I promised myself awhile ago that I would not settle for just any job, but only the happy job. However, actually having to make good on that promise was far more difficult than I thought it would be. But I like to think of this as the brave choice, if not the conventional one. Bravery is so often used to describe things like bungee jumping, sky diving, or other feats of endurance. I'm choosing to trust myself. I'm choosing happy.

40 comments:

  1. I think you made the right choice, and I can really understand why you didn't take it. I think you know in your gut if a job is going to cause more harm than good, and you were brave in turning it down and trusting yourself. Your trip home is more important than having a job right now, and you have priorities to your family to keep more so than to your bank account. Don't beat yourself up about not taking the offer. Life goes on and there WILL be other opportunities.

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  2. I can totally understand how this made you feel and I am so sorry that you had to go through this! But I do think that you made the right choice. I know that the happy job will come and your health and your family are more important. There will be other opportunities. I would have done the same! Don't beat yourself up, I think that was a very brave decision!

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  3. It's definitely a difficult choice but it sounds like you've made the correct one. Yes, jobs are good and useful, but the wrong job can make your life miserable. I do hope you find the right job soon. :)

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  4. I think going home is a good thing. And yes, there needs to be a certain happiness in your job too. Sure, complete happiness with a job might never be..but you need some. And to be "on call" practically ..sounds so STRESSFUL.

    I think you are brave.

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  5. You go!! So proud of you :)

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  6. I applaud you, I really do. You'll find something amazing that is right for you, that fits you!

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  7. Choosing happy is the way to go. Every time :-)

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  8. I think listening to your heart is ALWAYS the best choice!

    -Sharon
    The Tiny Heart
    Target Giveaway!

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  9. I am so, so happy about the choice you made. When I first read about you applying for this job and that it would postpone your trip home that made me feel super anxious. It seems like you and your family really need each other right now. Besides, another job will come along, the "perfect" job, and then you won't even think twice about turning this one down. So good for you!

    Sarah @ Life As Always

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  10. I think that that is a GREAT choice, especially with your grandpa being sick. Sometimes choosing to be happy is the hardest thing, but in the end you'll appreciate your bravery. Other jobs will come, and they may even be better than this one. Chin up!

    xo Marlen
    Messages on a Napkin

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  11. I am so glad you chose happy. Good for you!

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  12. Good for you! I recently got out of a horrible job situation and I wish I would have made the brave choice like you are doing!

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  13. I can relate on many levels. I've had to make (repeatedly) choices on the "right" job - and I've come to believe that you will be where you're meant to be. So if you're not inclined to take the offer, don't beat yourself up about it. It wasn't meant to be :)

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  14. Love your decision--and I so understand what it is to agonize over potentially missing a great opportunity, but it made you get so clear on what you really want that it sounds like it was definitely great that you had to go through all this. Happy for you because now you've cleared the way for the right job to come in!
    xo Mary Jo

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  15. I am so glad that you did what was right for you. EVEN if it was hard.

    You chose happiness and that is what counts.

    SO proud!

    XO Lourdes

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  16. YOu made the right choice. Which is to say you did what your heart told you. So many fail to hear their own souls tell them what they need. Good on you.

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  17. I think its always best to trust yourself, that commitment would be overwhelming for anyone, I think you made a good decision. Something will come along that's a better fit when you least expect it :)

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  18. I'm sure that this is the right call and you're right, you can't get time with family back

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  19. Well done, you. You should trust yourself, because who knows you better than you? I think you made the right choice too. Your mental health and your family are more important, especially right now with the loss of your grandfather imminent. I really feel for you being so far away from them. :(

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  20. Honestly, your gut reaction was probably on point for some reason. Just stick with that instinct. I am sure it is not the last opportunity!

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  21. "[...] actually having to make good on that promise was far more difficult than I thought it would be."

    Aw.

    Hugs!

    And I can only imagine. BUT! You made the right decision! Gut instinct is gut instinct; it's not for nought. You know and I know that the right job, the happy job, will arrive sooner or later and you'll kick ass at it BECAUSE DUH.

    "I'm choosing to trust myself. I'm choosing happy."

    YES. Beautifully put!

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  22. I'm terribly proud! I'm sure it wasn't an easy choice, but those that lead to something great, usually aren't . . .

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  23. Sounds like you made the right decision. You are right, when you get a job offer you shouldn't sob. That was your sign that you knew deep down that it wasn't for you. Good for you for having the courage to make that hard choice.

    Jayme & Mendi @ Her Late Night Cravings

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  24. sounds like you made the right choice. if it really were the perfect job, it would have come at a time when you would be able to accept it. choosing family over a job is what i would have done too.

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  25. Call it brave or whatever you want...it was the right choice for you and that's all that matters!

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  26. PS i just read your horse-y comment and literally LOLed haha. I got what you meant ;)

    xo Marlen
    Messages on a Napkin

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  27. I'm sure you'll find what you're looking for eventually. Have faith and all will be alright. I believe that you made the right decision because there are plenty of jobs in the world but you only have one grandfather and he's definitely worth your time :)

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  28. Honestly. I think you made the right decision. The decision was already made when you started sobbing. It 'aint worth it. :)

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  29. Good for you. It is so hard; I am in a similar position at least having difficulties finding a nice job. Sometimes it seems so hard to balance work and happiness, but I am sure you will find something that will both make you happy and provide :)

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  30. VERY hard choice, but I don't think you will regret it. This is one of those classic expat existential moments. I wish there were easy solutions to these moments. I guess our lives are full of painful choices. Take care, Milam

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  31. I think it's pretty brave that you followed your heart. When I follow my gut feeling, it always leads me to a better path and great happiness. Hats off to you for your decision.

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  32. I think you made the right choice (not like my opinion matters... but whatever). You need to do what is best for you, your health, and your family. You've got a lot going on with your family right now, and if this is just going to stress you out more, it's so not worth it. Nothing is worth putting yourself through that amount of stress. Things will work out, and when the time comes, you will find that "happy job."

    Hope things are going well for you!!

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  33. It sounds like you made a great choice for you. Following our hearts can be incredible and scary at the same time! I am so sorry about your grandfather, too.

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  34. i'm new to your blog and i must say that finding a job these days is very hard. however, no job is worth not being able to go home and see your family especially when it is an emergency. i believe you'll find another job meant for you :)

    http://itsabbytime.com

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  35. It is a very, very brave choice. Do not doubt it. Once you start compromising on these sort of things, life tends to veer somewhat off course. And before you know it, you do not recognise the life you are living as the one you wanted. Good on you!

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  36. I'm 100% sure you did the right thing and made the right choice ! A job shouldn't make you feel bad and make you start crying, thats just wrong. I once had a job for 2 weeks and I hated every day there and I my stomache hurt every morning when I realized I had to go there, so I quit and now I have a great job and one will come to you to! just hang in there :)

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  37. Ooooh. That's a tough one, but I think you made the right choice. Life is just a long chain of choices, you know? So think it through from all angles (just like you did), and do what is right for you!

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  38. Always decide out of your gut and it will be right, even if it looks wrong at first :)
    Enjoy your trip home, believe in yourself and I'm sure you'll find the right job soon :)

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  39. I can see how difficult this decision would be. But in the end, it sounded like you made the prefect choice for your current situation. And don't worry, the right, happy, peace-bringing job is right around the corner!

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