Thursday, June 06, 2013

Holes

After writing the title 'holes' I've been contemplating the little word. Trying to make a little joke about being Whole except for the 'w.'

I've been toying with a very unconventional fashion post for a while, but it's just not my style (where as writing bad jokes about holes is clearly right up my alley).

The truth is I want you to meet someone (not  lion cub. or a puppy, or a kitten, or baby. Seriously people. If there was a lion cub in my life I'd be Whole.)

No, I want you to meet my yoga mat.

I've been using this yoga mat since I came to Australia. I've had it for 5 years, and use it on average 5 times a week. Although I think you can say I've just been using it a lot because as you can plainly see, it has a few holes in it. In fact, while the one shown is the largest, it's not the only one. There is a hole where each of my feet and hands go. I still use it. I promised myself when I got a job I'd buy myself a new yoga mat.

And these? Well, these are my favourite yoga pants that I got in 2003. And that's my finger poking through the seams. I was cool with having some holes down my thigh, but now there is a giant hole in the crotch and well, I draw the line at wearing them now.


I have a pair of green striped men's boxers that I bought myself as jammies in 2003. I brought them to college with me, to Australia, back to college, to India, to Australia, to Colorado and back to Australia. They've been around the world and one day as I was getting changed the door bell rang and I had a package! I rushed to put on the nearest item of clothing which happened to be my boxers and as I put my foot through I heard a rip - knowing if I dilly dallied they'd leave with my package I went rushing out the door wearing boxers that had ripped completely down the front.

So, what's my point?

Why am I telling you this. Because I'm feeling a bit like swiss cheese myself. Full of holes. I'm trying to  fill up with things that make me happy (skype dates with my best friend, knitting adventures, yoga, cooking), I'm applying to jobs and using my networks - I'm putting my best foot forward!, I'm taking care of my body by eating right to minimise my Endo and conquer Jorgita (bitch). I'm trying so hard. And I can see the holes.

As a separate note and a complete aside, I took these photos on my way home from yoga today. I love Australian trees, their seed pods are like little alien creatures to me.


I think that bird is a king parrot, but I'm not really sure.


23 comments:

  1. I'm trying to fill the holes (namely, Professional and social) in my life with things I enjoy as well.

    And, like you, I tend to have a hard time throwing things away. I get way too attached to stuff, or convince myself that one day "I'll need that".

    Loved the pics of those Australia tree pods! So foreign and so intriguing...

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  2. If I love something that becomes 'holey' I sew it onto something and make it into a mixed media piece of art. There..another activity for you. Don't think that's gonna work with the yoga mat though!

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  3. Don't get me started on the workout clothes I've had with holes and worn longer than I should have gotten away with it O:-)

    We all have holes all the time, don't we? I guess it's what the holes are and how big they appear that changes over time. And it can be fun to fill them with things we love, but for me, there's always that nagging feeling at the end of the day that says "um, there's still a hole here".

    Wishing you an amazing job that will make all of the struggle a little easier to look back on.

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  4. I don't think I own a single piece of workout clothing that isn't super hole-y. and I can relate with your feeling the similarities between those and life. trying to find the things that patch those holes back up is quite a struggle sometimes, but every once in a while I find something good and shoot, then it's on like donkey kong.

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  5. It's fascinating how little things can represent our whole lives. I hope you get the holes figured out and become whole soon. (Yep, playing off your own jokes) ;-)

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  6. I think the fact that you use your yoga mat and workout clothes enough to put holes in them is freaking AMAZING! You should totally feel proud of yourself, in my opinion!

    Sarah @ Life As Always

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  7. Holy wow, well good for you for being so dedicated to something. And those holes will become small eventually.

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  8. This is a very, very clever post :) Holes are okay as long as you are enjoying your things and taking care of yourself!

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  9. Oh, I hang on to holey things too. I have this one sweater..I just can't give up. Just can't do it. I feel so much myself in it when I want to read or whatever around the house.

    And since its summer..I woke up this morning and couldn't find any of my bras. I'm so bad at leaving them..where ever..but they must really be hiding.

    Anyway..I broke down and got new bras today. Perhaps, you've noticed..I really don't like wearing them.

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  10. On a superficial note, I totally keep stuff with holes if I love it lol. On a deeper level, good for you for trying to fill the "holes" :) And on a random note, when I was in AUS I quickly learned to hate those black birds that make sounds like babies being murdered. What are those things anyways?!

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  11. I am trying to fill some holes too. I do feel like there are some holes that I just can't fill but maybe it is fine to live with some of them. Maybe they will get smaller, maybe not. I am not sure if I will ever be "whole" but maybe that's okay.
    And yeah, I do have clothes with holes in them...I have a sweater I really love. There are two holes in it but I have to keep this sweater. No matter what.

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  12. I love the metaphorical nature of this post - you have a way of doing that in a lot of your posts :)

    Happy Friday!!

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  13. Whoa, I didn't know it was possible to do that to a yoga mat. Impressive! Also, ummm, what's your address? No reason. But for real, e-mail it to me!

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  14. I loved when items like your yoga mat are worn from all the love:) they are so hard to seperate with and replace

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  15. Hi sweety, you deserve a new yoga mat and pants after working so hard! Thats dedication!

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  16. Great post and I totally understand what you mean by the whole holes thing! You know, sometimes the effort of trying to fill the holes can be really quite stressful too. Especially, if after going to the effort it still hasn't done the trick. Sometimes, its worth looking at what caused the holes. Are they there because you have been trying too hard, not trying hard enough, showing a little neglect, pretending not to notice or are they there because there are areas in your life that have done their purpose. Maybe you don't need to hang on to them or maybe you need to simply replace them with something new. This is all a bit profound but I'm trying to say, you're doing the right thing by addressing the holes before they get bigger. Good luck!

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  17. I love your "holes" metaphor. I understand feeling like there are holes forming in the seams of your life even though you're using all your energy trying to hold yourself together. Stay strong! (By the way, I have holes in all my skating clothes, and I think it's just a representation of where I spend all my time and energy.)

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  18. Girl, I get ya. I have one BIG hole that you're not really able to see through all my body armor but it's still there

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  19. daaaang you definitely do a lot of yoga haha

    xo Marlen
    Messages on a Napkin

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  20. Keep it up lady! Holes and all your work and knowing will take you to amazing places! And I too have boxers I wear to bed..Ha...I actually was looking at them the other day thinking it may be time for an upgrade! Have a great week!!!

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  21. Oh... those holes... I am feeling the same way lately. I should have nothing to complain about...but I cannot help but feel as if my motivation is slowly seeping out of me.

    Sending good vibes your way!

    XO Lourdes

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  22. This turned out to be much deeper than I had expected. Oh the holes... For me, it's being stretched to the point when you no longer bounce back, or to where it's so thin you can see through it. It's hard to see it, and not know quite how to fix it...

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  23. Wow! You've really used that mat! Look who can comment again!

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