Friday, September 20, 2013

Integrity

Last week in yoga class, the teacher was talking about integrity as being when what you feel and how you act are the same.

This shook my world, yo. So excuse me while I ramble for moment about integrity.

It doesn't seem very profound but there are circumstances in my life that are happening right now where I haven't been able to act with integrity because my heart would prefer me to say or act in a different way than I am. And the unfortunate thing about these circumstances is that if were to act the way my heart is telling me - ie with integrity - then I would probably hurt some feelings. And I'm not a big fan of hurting the people.

I think that is one of the reasons why I love the internet and why certain blogs really connect with me. The other people's blogs part is pretty self explanatory. When I read someone blog and I get to know them and I feel like they write with integrity, if they write from the heart, then I immediately connect with their blog.

But the best part is that if they don't, I don't have to act without integrity by engaging in a way that feels false to me. I get to just leave the page no feelings are hurt, no words exchange. Sometimes I wish I could work like this in the real world, and sometimes you can. Sometimes there are situations you can just 'click' and walk away from without hurting anyone and while still acting with both your heart and mind. But sometimes, sometimes you can't.

This causes me so much stress and pain. And looking back over the last few years about the most stressful situations I've been placed in, it's the times when I haven't been able to act with my heart that have made them completely disastrous (I mean for me. Sleepless nights. Weeks of wearing my grouchy pants. Crying. You know?).

I think one of the best parts of hearing this was it gave a name to so much of the pain I've been feeling and have been unable to understand why I couldn't just let go. Sometimes naming things is half the battle. So I'm sorry if this post is kind of vague and I'm sorry if it's a little weird. But this is where I sort stuff out...So you  know, in a few months when I'm having a break down you can ask me "D, is the way you want to act and the way you are actually acting - are those two different things?" and chances are...I'll say, Yes.

12 comments:

  1. i agree with this 100%. i behave towards others how i would want them to behave towards me. and yes, there are times you can't please everyone all of the time and it's those times that you have to go with your heart, even though it may upset others.

    -kathy
    Vodka and Soda

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  2. There definitely are times when, for the best thing in the long run, I've found it better to not say or not act upon what's actually in my heart--in order to preserve relationships, mostly--but that does create a very uncomfortable feeling!

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  3. It's always a difficult thing when acting the way our hearts tell us ends up hurting someone...but I think that's still acting with integrity since you know you're doing the right thing and you know you're not trying to hurt anyone.

    And that quote has now really made me think a lot this morning. Thank you!

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  4. I feel you~ it's funny because when I am in a bad and depressing situation that requires me to be strong upfront, it's sooo difficult and I am too hurt that I am too weary to go to bed and cry. Most of the time, I find myself at the end of the day laying in bed, cursing, which causes more stress, and fell asleep. It's much more difficult when you can't cry or vent it all out. One thing I somehow learned though, at least it works for me, I always cry, I always show my emotions because it is easier to get all those feelings out. You know it is never wrong to cry.

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  5. TRUTH! I've never really thought about integrity like that, haven't even thought about integrity much at all, but it is so nice in the blogging world to be able to browse and not hurt feelings. I hope you aren't often put into situations where you can't have both your feelings and actions connecting. That's no bueno. :(

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  6. Your insightful post made me pause and reflect about integrity, if I'm really being authentic in my action and feelings. I realized recently it takes a lot of courage to walk away and not say anything to hurt someone out of anger. Though it doesn't mean, I can always keep it bottled inside, there is a right time and place to confront someone dear to us and say how we feel in order to save a relationship.

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  7. Not avoid the main point of your post (which I totally agree with), but I love having these types of moments of clarity. Hearing a simple phrase or idea and having it put into words something you didn't even realize you believed. It's just so cool.

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  8. Um, keep going please. This post is so much truth. Oddly it's not something I even think about much and then I come and read something like this and I can't stop thinking about it.

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  9. I very much agree... Integrity is often NOT saying what you think/feel to spare someone elses feelings... and yes, the struggle between the head and the heart is a tough one. I've been there before..

    I do appreciate these "AHA!" moments though when you really see the light!

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  10. I completely completely agree with this and am going to send this post to lots of people I know who need to read this. It's easy to be the hero and victor when things are going well, it's much difficult to be a good person and do the right thing when adversity is in your corner. You go girl. Sending good karma your way

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  11. This "vague ramble"? Amazingly insightful. I think I need to reread...

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  12. You just took so many of the words right out of my mouth. Oh my goodness, I have been feeling this way at work 95% of the time. I work in a field that does not mesh with my political and ethical beliefs. And yet... if I chose to leave, my family's financial situation would suffer to the point where we could become homeless. So I choose to suck it up and continue on, because stability for my family is more important to me than living up to my self-imposed set of ideals. But it kills me. EVERY DAY. Every day I come home feeling a little less real, a little less "me".

    So I can understand entirely how and why you would feel this way. It is a difficult position to be in. And if we could all just communicate as beautifully as bloggers do, with the opportunity to politely ignore a discourse or two, maybe we could all feel a greater sense of personal integrity.

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