Thursday, February 27, 2014

Ego

Recently my ego has been getting in my way. 

My job is pretty awesome. I work for an organisation that does good things. Fights climate change. Stuff I care about. Stuff that defines me. 

However, I don't play the role I thought I'd play. There are other people in my team who do more. Who have "more important" roles. And at first I was a bit resentful that my role isn't more [fill in the blank]. I don't even know what 'more' I thought there was?

But when I really started to think about it. Isn't that exactly what I wanted? I didn't want a job that I had to work 20 hours of over time every week to be appreciated and to feel like I was making a difference. I didn't want a job where I came home from work so exhausted that the only activity I could do was watch Friends reruns. 

And my job IS important. My work is important. It's just my ego that needs to settle down and accept that. 

Because instead of being satisfied instead I'm thinking, "why do they [my coworker] get to do that job...aren't I good enough to do it." 

I think part of it is that after a year of trying to prove to people with my words that I'm good enough for them, I feel impatient to use all the skills I have - bring them to the table RIGHT NOW. But I don't need to prove myself in that way anymore. Now, I can focus on the part that matters - doing my job well. Doing my job, so that the organisation can be a catalyst for change. And isn't that what I wanted all along?

Like most things, I've had this conversation with myself over the last few weeks and I identified that I'm just suffering from egomania. Since then, I've felt a lot better. Because I actually LOVE my job. I love my work place, and I'm really happy. So why my ego gotta nag me like that, yo.

13 comments:

  1. It's good to examine your ego regularly because you're reminded of your priorities. And oftentimes those can shift so you want to make sure you're keeping pace as well - so it's good that what you're doing and your priorities match up (you'd be surprised at how few people this actually happens to)

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  2. I think it's a part of the human experience to always want more than we have. And even when we're grateful, there's that tiny part of us that still wants something better / more. We should definitely tell our egos to shut up and be thankful we don't work at the post office - well I should anyway :)

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  3. I don't think there's anything that needs to be said-because you seem like you have it all under control. But, it's totally human to feel that way at work.. It's a natural feeling!

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  4. Wow, I was kinda surprised to read this from you! I didn't really imagine you to be that type of person. I'm glad to hear that you are checkin' that bitchy ego! Cause you'll get your time to shine. Be PATIENT child!!! :)

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  5. Ooohhh, yeah, I have the same problem. I think I need to sit my ego down and have a talk with it. Maybe we need to tag-team our egos?

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  6. This happens to me a time or time. Sometimes the ego just nag! The hardest part is keeping it in check!

    XO Lourdes

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  7. Eh, the ego is such a nag. Thankfully, you seem to be keeping it in check quite nicely . . .

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  8. I think it's good to appreciate what you have and recognize the value of what you do. But I also don't think it's a bad thing that you seem to be ambitious!

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  9. Good to be honest with yourself. Maybe this little ego mania as you call it will egg you on to ask for more responsibility later...

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  10. At least you RECOGNIZE it. That's what matters.

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  11. "I had to work 20 hours of over time every week to be appreciated and to feel like I was making a difference. I didn't want a job where I came home from work so exhausted that the only activity I could do was watch Friends reruns." - that sounds like my job and recently, I've really wanted to resign, very, very badly!

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  12. This is so interesting! The desire to do MORE and be MORE is so overwhelming sometimes. But yes, at least they aren't exhausting you!

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  13. Deidre....
    "You know what makes me happy? When I'm not so self-consumed that I'm genuinely interested in my surroundings. To me, happiness is the absence of self-obsession." --Robert Downey Jr.
    I just felt led to send you that RDJ quotation!! And I understand every single word of this Blog post!! Been there, done that, Friend.... ;)
    --Raelyn

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