My job is pretty awesome. I work for an organisation that does good things. Fights climate change. Stuff I care about. Stuff that defines me.
However, I don't play the role I thought I'd play. There are other people in my team who do more. Who have "more important" roles. And at first I was a bit resentful that my role isn't more [fill in the blank]. I don't even know what 'more' I thought there was?
But when I really started to think about it. Isn't that exactly what I wanted? I didn't want a job that I had to work 20 hours of over time every week to be appreciated and to feel like I was making a difference. I didn't want a job where I came home from work so exhausted that the only activity I could do was watch Friends reruns.
And my job IS important. My work is important. It's just my ego that needs to settle down and accept that.
Because instead of being satisfied instead I'm thinking, "why do they [my coworker] get to do that job...aren't I good enough to do it."
I think part of it is that after a year of trying to prove to people with my words that I'm good enough for them, I feel impatient to use all the skills I have - bring them to the table RIGHT NOW. But I don't need to prove myself in that way anymore. Now, I can focus on the part that matters - doing my job well. Doing my job, so that the organisation can be a catalyst for change. And isn't that what I wanted all along?
Like most things, I've had this conversation with myself over the last few weeks and I identified that I'm just suffering from egomania. Since then, I've felt a lot better. Because I actually LOVE my job. I love my work place, and I'm really happy. So why my ego gotta nag me like that, yo.